tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5354341561082364442024-03-04T23:40:32.785-08:005 Minutes for the Frazzled MomPlop down and I'll pour you a glass of wine.
Kind of like a cocktail party in your cul-de-sac
except without kids, husbands,
and those judgey moms.
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.comBlogger113125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-53153601434706795192017-07-11T09:42:00.001-07:002017-07-11T09:46:42.221-07:00Devotions For the Brokenhearted<h2 class="date-header" style="color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; margin: 0.5em 0px; min-height: 0px; position: relative; text-transform: uppercase;">
<span style="color: #333333;">TUESDAY, JULY 11, 2017</span></h2>
<div class="date-posts">
<div class="post-outer" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-left-radius: 5px; border-bottom-right-radius: 5px; border-top-left-radius: 5px; border-top-right-radius: 5px; border: 1px solid rgb(221, 221, 221); margin: 0px -20px 20px; padding: 15px 20px;">
<div class="post hentry uncustomized-post-template" itemprop="blogPost" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="http://schema.org/BlogPosting" style="min-height: 0px; position: relative;">
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-3505804821808922338" itemprop="description articleBody" style="line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 628px;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;">Have you felt angry at God because He didn't answer your desperate </span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-3505804821808922338" itemprop="description articleBody" style="line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 628px;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;">prayers? </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;">Because He was silent when your heart was breaking?</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-3505804821808922338" itemprop="description articleBody" style="line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 628px;">
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
God is still there, still waiting on the perfect time to answer your </div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
prayers. He's holding you. He doesn't expect you to be strong. </div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
But He does expect you to never let go of his hand.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
Here's my collection of devotions that will help to heal your </div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
broken heart :</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
<a href="http://messagesfromgodforthebrokenhearted.blogspot.com/">MessagesFromGodForTheBrokenhearted.blogspot.com</a><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 15px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-37731621224607989732016-04-21T13:19:00.000-07:002016-07-19T07:42:33.901-07:00Life Lessons Learned at the Mall<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I went shopping with my 18-year-old daughter before she left for <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2013/09/southern-girls-laura-ashley-with-little.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">college</span></a>. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I was rapping loudly to a Drake song on the radio and grunting on the words I didn't know, which were most of the words. For some reason she seemed tense—<span style="color: red;"><a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2012/10/embarrassing-my-teens-is-sweet-revenge.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">slinking down in her seat</span></a> </span>with her head in her hands and white-knuckling her phone. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwDBtF-8Q_dhaY9q80lJB8rq4cn9pz55uimzT_pJAbfqdwmSKWHomr8MoE60OWFicbU13Tpm3LXY7emEx5r9St9Ushu-hmz1cqxY771bd9tKsSME0JdM0SIKerM_CvB3lo_XoufuVsmdDK/s1600/embarrassed-girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwDBtF-8Q_dhaY9q80lJB8rq4cn9pz55uimzT_pJAbfqdwmSKWHomr8MoE60OWFicbU13Tpm3LXY7emEx5r9St9Ushu-hmz1cqxY771bd9tKsSME0JdM0SIKerM_CvB3lo_XoufuVsmdDK/s1600/embarrassed-girl.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://lifeexperiencemash-up.blogspot.com/2012_01_01_archive.html</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">To be fair, she WAS feeling tense and torn about leaving for school. She lamented leaving the local Boyfriend (BF), but she was downright giddy anticipating liberation from "tyrannical" parents whose worst offense was occasionally asking where she was at 1 a.m.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">At that point in her life she wavered between "I love you" and "Leave me alone." </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">But that's normal, right? They say it's God’s way of helping moms let go. <span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">On the way to the mall, we stopped at my friend's house and talked in her yard. A friendly <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2013/05/27-ways-cats-are-like-teenagers-part-1.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">cat</span></a> without a collar sauntered up and my daughter petted it while we chatted.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We got back in the car, and I figured I should probably use our rare, precious girl-time to ask how she felt about college and life and to weasel out of her how she truly felt about BF. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">"How do I FEEL?" she asked, clinging tightly to her aloofness. "Mom, I just want . . . </span><span style="font-family: '"georgia"', '"times new roman"', serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">to jump out of</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">the car</span></span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">."</span><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">(She really didn't say that last part,</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">but the eyes are the windows into the soul).</span></i></span></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She tweeted to her constituency,</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"Captive in SUV. Please advise." </span><span style="font-family: "tekton pro";"> </span></span><br />
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro';">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro';">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="font-family: 'tekton pro'; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB25ajpIZpiA4OsIX-Y-dpilGEcajPC4VIynf7-IxV960kp1O1MR7HcFEJBtsIZtdND-NqUwQQtULsgCkjzOXkMey8TSlpw5oLCr3pOYd6GWlWLacuL6D_FN8hAi3dO0JFC9sxEJkWs4DM/s1600/texting-phone-woman6-350x350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB25ajpIZpiA4OsIX-Y-dpilGEcajPC4VIynf7-IxV960kp1O1MR7HcFEJBtsIZtdND-NqUwQQtULsgCkjzOXkMey8TSlpw5oLCr3pOYd6GWlWLacuL6D_FN8hAi3dO0JFC9sxEJkWs4DM/s320/texting-phone-woman6-350x350.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.femside.com/health/healthy-living/6-habits-that-are-stopping-you-from-anything/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro';">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Delighted by our bonding, I smiled at her and noticed her face was beet-red and her eyes looked like the morning after </span><span style="font-size: large; text-decoration: line-through;">I drank too much celebrating the NEGATIVE line on my pregnancy test last month</span><span style="font-size: large;"> an errant fly ball hit me in the eye at a Cardinals game.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Oh, this is just GREAT! She's allergic to the freaking <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2013/05/27-ways-cats-are-like-teenagers-part-1.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">cat</span></a>! It's always SOMETHING with her,” </i>I thought, distraught with motherly concern. <i> </i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Last month she had Mono for gosh sakes.</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i></i><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">WOW, that's really welting up. She should take a selfie.</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i></i><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Crap, now I'm gonna have to take her to the doctor, and that's really gonna cut into my happy hour." </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq2vZwCy2JGQWOv3Tp84h093EaxZHYKRNMq_iIdc6kPyR5kYSDjnrh0W1DXxbN_AqIOmERC_g2GJOdwUumaRPGjR2t4tVxPWARkqWMeys4vwIWEblXx0E-AYB5kaF4eJnq3UDJkqXd6Koe/s1600/anigif_mobile_6ff54e68a4c73881a565e45935a0a14e-2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq2vZwCy2JGQWOv3Tp84h093EaxZHYKRNMq_iIdc6kPyR5kYSDjnrh0W1DXxbN_AqIOmERC_g2GJOdwUumaRPGjR2t4tVxPWARkqWMeys4vwIWEblXx0E-AYB5kaF4eJnq3UDJkqXd6Koe/s400/anigif_mobile_6ff54e68a4c73881a565e45935a0a14e-2.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">buzzfeed.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She asked me to stop for Benadryl so I guess between that and showing her how to stop her nosebleeds with a tampon, I'd taught her SOMETHING through the years.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">After the Benadryl kicked in, we had a good time at the "Cheap-Clothes-For-Cheap-Girls" store where we waded through hootchie clothes. She tried on a bright, beautiful sweater, and I said "NO" in all caps because "it's cheap and made of acrylic . . .</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"> and it has a future full of lint balls."</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She frowned for a second because she wanted to buy it (ME to buy it), but she placed it back on the rack because she knew I was right. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">It was then I realized I may have taught my teenager something else — it may be what everyone's wearing, it may make you feel confident, and it may feel good on your body and against your skin. But it's cheap. And it won't last long.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">In a few short weeks she would be on her own. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">Had I spent enough time teaching her how tempting cheap substitutes can be in real life? </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Especially when he feels tailor-made for you and he makes you feel good and his breath is hot and fast on your neck? And when no one will know he's a cheap substitute but you?</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm old, but I know things. Because I've endured my share of lint balls.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro'; font-size: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro'; font-size: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="font-family: 'tekton pro'; font-size: 16px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5n85U-fF1Kp3tXrdZHyclcf1iHqq-A-uOQf94w5gvocvzY19UElyfFsl8rJSiL_9BdEXsY_y1GsQ6vIGXdjy6QFcArHGTbi6hiCA4ZMCxG9cWup40QmoTM_SsdGzyPp5m9XzL4hRVa1BI/s1600/creepy+dates.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5n85U-fF1Kp3tXrdZHyclcf1iHqq-A-uOQf94w5gvocvzY19UElyfFsl8rJSiL_9BdEXsY_y1GsQ6vIGXdjy6QFcArHGTbi6hiCA4ZMCxG9cWup40QmoTM_SsdGzyPp5m9XzL4hRVa1BI/s400/creepy+dates.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">eonline.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'tekton pro'; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'tekton pro'; font-size: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe through the years, our time "just shopping" was more than that. Maybe by osmosis, I accidentally taught her not to settle for second-best.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I knew she'd be fine on her own at college. She's got a good head on her shoulders, she knows how to treat an allergy and a bloody nose, and she knows acrylic from cashmere.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal; min-height: 19px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;">As long as she doesn't pet any strays.</span></div>
<br />
<br />The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-73516219175460558782014-11-16T15:10:00.000-08:002016-04-10T13:32:30.324-07:00Geek Squad Rule #1: Run From Mom Jeans<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Geek Squad Rule #1: Run From Mom Jeans</span></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday I went to Best Buy to shop for a computer. Seeing as how my memory bank is full of irrelevant stuff like the “Gilligan’s Island” theme song, there has been no room in it to learn about new technology. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUjYl_D3H8IBDTPyocqex67SXIUPdyBbdzMnkYd8LRxbNot_R-7ibnxL5jGcQzyubwJs5JK-r0bOe2Lxiv9kJomj60ShI9Zz_Wo3RHH4_mAXfsssuebLL_AL8eFvs2nfXy47Mf9VE1q6x/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUjYl_D3H8IBDTPyocqex67SXIUPdyBbdzMnkYd8LRxbNot_R-7ibnxL5jGcQzyubwJs5JK-r0bOe2Lxiv9kJomj60ShI9Zz_Wo3RHH4_mAXfsssuebLL_AL8eFvs2nfXy47Mf9VE1q6x/s1600/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">theguardian.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">In order to compare computers in the store, I took pictures of them on my iPhone and typed their specs in the “Notes” section of the phone. Hoping to attract a salesperson's attention, I looked around and spoke to myself out loud..</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"When I write in 'Notes,' I wish I could put pictures with it." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Rajeev, a nice salesman nearby, made the tragic mistake of looking me in the eye. He was now going to have to engage me in a sales conversation. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Poor Raj was a fairly new employee, and he had just been thrown under the bus by his “Team Member” pals who scattered at the sight of approaching mom jeans. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK02BaShXhDsPzvFlVOdg2nC7YoECMAG1E5rpDySwRIzAdX-GEizleB8l2WHey0V9cGs54oo2ecfdm4h9OtrOmigb53WOUVvU-XSp0NZN7aFVvgzKQrHUAdS5WdBDYpvEl28CQIg4fBnYX/s1600/cbe6182f30413ef5246b0a95be984015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK02BaShXhDsPzvFlVOdg2nC7YoECMAG1E5rpDySwRIzAdX-GEizleB8l2WHey0V9cGs54oo2ecfdm4h9OtrOmigb53WOUVvU-XSp0NZN7aFVvgzKQrHUAdS5WdBDYpvEl28CQIg4fBnYX/s1600/cbe6182f30413ef5246b0a95be984015.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">examiner.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Rajeev addressed my dilemma bravely.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Ma’am, this might help you,” he said with a voice of dread, like he was slowly sinking in quicksand. He pointed to the little jumbled black and white square by the computer descriptions. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCF66DDde9IvXK_x3374ILYAGAvUYl4N8eKZbQL2UMjzy0ud4EHRZQ2lEpDLqOuicl5S_yYf0X37HESU4Xnu_KCwA90Gut40RKULVzQzju2QIYnc55uE_iFlEfu5cyYXUmsKHosAWh8M4a/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCF66DDde9IvXK_x3374ILYAGAvUYl4N8eKZbQL2UMjzy0ud4EHRZQ2lEpDLqOuicl5S_yYf0X37HESU4Xnu_KCwA90Gut40RKULVzQzju2QIYnc55uE_iFlEfu5cyYXUmsKHosAWh8M4a/s1600/images.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">wrapcam.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Those squares remind me of that game ‘Tetris’ we used to play!” I said excitedly. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Raj stared at me, silently cursing his Geek Squad agents for leaving him with someone who was alive when Elvis was.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Please note, he did not stare at me like this . . .</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid_oL_nXoCkBPWzJyp6zFATpC677RcGiwSpLjshmReO451l8_Kvko2scuSMOFNoGvq9Za8Fk345BA71vupF_ZvRPodUxA9blBZ9ES5ZlyjGrGRbXf8xtZrScFOJPz5Yiye2uv1EnQJW_pH/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid_oL_nXoCkBPWzJyp6zFATpC677RcGiwSpLjshmReO451l8_Kvko2scuSMOFNoGvq9Za8Fk345BA71vupF_ZvRPodUxA9blBZ9ES5ZlyjGrGRbXf8xtZrScFOJPz5Yiye2uv1EnQJW_pH/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fanpix.famouspix.com<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But like this . . .</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh95Z7KWuEmLYzddoD2kR6l8vRZYjcH33i0gcQxhyphenhyphenUOII_5KLkLvn4q9j0vywvBu_t0cBhmFrrjpTsSEVOh0f3CsnP6JLInmRFA8FBGupXYMDKxm140qJRXaCDZJUtYYm-MLD1PdSynynXq/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh95Z7KWuEmLYzddoD2kR6l8vRZYjcH33i0gcQxhyphenhyphenUOII_5KLkLvn4q9j0vywvBu_t0cBhmFrrjpTsSEVOh0f3CsnP6JLInmRFA8FBGupXYMDKxm140qJRXaCDZJUtYYm-MLD1PdSynynXq/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">shakesville.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“Do you have a QR Reader?” asked Raj, seriously expecting me to know what that was, despite my mom jeans. “It’s an app. Here, let me see your phone.”</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">He searched for a second and found it right next to my app “1000 Glorious Ways to Swear Using Emojis.” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi90DRlx72KdxMSeTUYSPsuCW7SHJmzPgfG8ObA0DaMZDEVUID2qSCI04w_qunbEyOo91z0naKOaR6IKQ1ZgFvcZf3sacbt0hc9NUlmE2T-T1ZP2F_KhRCo8UPiiKnKwKTbV4SVE3QvrLAv/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi90DRlx72KdxMSeTUYSPsuCW7SHJmzPgfG8ObA0DaMZDEVUID2qSCI04w_qunbEyOo91z0naKOaR6IKQ1ZgFvcZf3sacbt0hc9NUlmE2T-T1ZP2F_KhRCo8UPiiKnKwKTbV4SVE3QvrLAv/s1600/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU_QA5gNwzEyLUGDPee6DMNj9vdpNbzBaSRU87DauNKltaUP6Y_1E_HX9B0dzNzIhIzD8RwuDte4nJ6nB96KzlA8lYO-YM-aQ7ZOtTtc4CDprx8E51W7jcI9J4xjvSybHeadjash-1as0J/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU_QA5gNwzEyLUGDPee6DMNj9vdpNbzBaSRU87DauNKltaUP6Y_1E_HX9B0dzNzIhIzD8RwuDte4nJ6nB96KzlA8lYO-YM-aQ7ZOtTtc4CDprx8E51W7jcI9J4xjvSybHeadjash-1as0J/s1600/images.jpeg" width="170" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"> +</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I do not know how either of those apps got there.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">He opened the app, “QR Reader” and took a photo of the Tetris-looking box. Like magic, the picture and specs of the computer I was looking at popped on my screen. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open with delight just like when there was only one line on the pregnancy test I took last year.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjol8AM9S8iYq_OOnzlwr4uSjzjpg6GEObTD-ktCYJTLt84LHUq6aGpENJfSERMvWQTuRy_AkNZ56kM67O8Ptd-rm9fwY7bcGOD5gMmH8gipRqGNM3g29sBT4R0aIBGvmMhyz2AN6FMgqOS/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjol8AM9S8iYq_OOnzlwr4uSjzjpg6GEObTD-ktCYJTLt84LHUq6aGpENJfSERMvWQTuRy_AkNZ56kM67O8Ptd-rm9fwY7bcGOD5gMmH8gipRqGNM3g29sBT4R0aIBGvmMhyz2AN6FMgqOS/s1600/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">philipbrasor.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">I grabbed the phone from Raj and tried it myself. As Raj babbled on about stuff, I couldn’t get the camera to work. Raj snapped at me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">You're MISSING it!"</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">“I am NOT missing your point!” I rebutted, having no clue as to what he was just babbling. </span><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">“No,” Raj said patiently as he touched my hand softly. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">“Whoa. Why did he do that? I know I’m looking nice in my jeans and I just got my roots done. But Raj, it just couldn’t work. I’m almost 40. (bwaaahhh ha haaa!) How am I going to break this to you gently?”</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">“No, you’re MISSING,” said Raj, interrupting my thoughts. “You’re aiming at the BAR CODE—not the um . . . Tetris-box.”</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Oh, my bad.”</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Raj took a deep breath, implying he wished he was in the break room writing code, as usual, for The Cloud instead of dealing with me.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">In a final, desperate attempt to get commission for this freaking sale, he spoke to me slowly on account of me being a moron and all. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">“First, hold the phone over the Tetris-box, NOT the bar code. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Second, do NOT press the button to “TAKE” the picture! QR Reader will AUTOMATICALLY take the picture when it's focused, for God’s sake!”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH9pt7Z8SQELan30grBrJz5UkY-kjDsauF8DQDu9ECFyI1uybqUnRKnF16rkzjfPIyzH6i_RGClYQfMXfpdbYjEw8MnVH1hgDlLW01pz5OG_OtQfqBEsqLHYg94ko4EYPteK4Rly4kuOM1/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH9pt7Z8SQELan30grBrJz5UkY-kjDsauF8DQDu9ECFyI1uybqUnRKnF16rkzjfPIyzH6i_RGClYQfMXfpdbYjEw8MnVH1hgDlLW01pz5OG_OtQfqBEsqLHYg94ko4EYPteK4Rly4kuOM1/s1600/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">marketmenot.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Why didn’t he say that before?</span></i></div>
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;">Well . . . maybe he did. It’s not my fault I couldn’t concentrate. While he was babbling, something else was blaring in my mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Here's the story of a lovely lady</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>who was bringing up three very lovely girls . . ."</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-40383088332160581402014-09-24T15:32:00.000-07:002014-09-26T09:21:04.231-07:00Can't Wait to Get My Personal Drone<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 18px; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Can’t Wait to Get My Personal Drone</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Recently my youngest child started driving, (Note to self: increase meds) and sometimes I feel my teenagers don’t need me anymore. Then I get the calls from school.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Can you bring my cleats?”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Can you go buy a journal for my English class and bring it to school? I didn’t buy one this weekend because Heather and Josh broke up. I had to help her, Mom. <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2012/10/top-11-excuses-teenagers-use-to-get-out.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">It’s not my fault</span></a>.”</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4gmQ67a4CJRn2gFWi9AVKFbfAOwvOCuadYXqlE6apX8glw3PbhU9wdSZUr9UasODixj52n-KiU1qrUueRMWgdZ1j72vX07v1QoJfoaWV3DG7QsUfXCGXOrHrwSqtKguSp3wgskJXdvbo5/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4gmQ67a4CJRn2gFWi9AVKFbfAOwvOCuadYXqlE6apX8glw3PbhU9wdSZUr9UasODixj52n-KiU1qrUueRMWgdZ1j72vX07v1QoJfoaWV3DG7QsUfXCGXOrHrwSqtKguSp3wgskJXdvbo5/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">themotherofnine9.wordpress.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Can you pleeeeeese bring Chick-fil-a for my advisory group in 30 minutes?”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Can you bring my Friday Dress clothes? <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2013/05/27-ways-cats-are-like-teenagers-part-1.html" target="_blank"> <span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">It’s not my faul</span>t</span></a> that I forgot!” (umm . . . because Friday came on a different day this week?) </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And my favorite:</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Teen: “Mom, can you bring my tennis shoes because it’s raining and now practice is gonna be in the gym.”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Me: “I told you to take your tennis shoes this morning because of the rainy forecast . . . and you chose not to.”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Teen: “Mom! Oh my gosh! I can’t control the weather! <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2012/12/its-not-my-fault-its-elf-on-shelf.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">It’s not my fault!</span></a>”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Maybe my teens still need me. But I think they just need a personal drone. Amazon is researching using drones to transport packages. I could’ve used one last week to deliver a soccer jersey thirty miles away when “someone” forgot it and “someone” was going bat-crazy and it “Absolutely, Positively” had to be there in fifteen minutes. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB1hI3z8sD9dBdyZwyQ6MT4_wY7HTxu1g-9wWb698O9dWHC-oAczqblKQynekXkThfyvWuk7nrcamLQmouLxtWYN6IgkOSf4lVXszCQ8XSK4etmX4rnJCzCewudmubHag_aRRi-Zq8TNK5/s1600/Drones-Delivery-Packages.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB1hI3z8sD9dBdyZwyQ6MT4_wY7HTxu1g-9wWb698O9dWHC-oAczqblKQynekXkThfyvWuk7nrcamLQmouLxtWYN6IgkOSf4lVXszCQ8XSK4etmX4rnJCzCewudmubHag_aRRi-Zq8TNK5/s1600/Drones-Delivery-Packages.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">topnews.ae</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">One day drones will accomplish our everyday tasks, leaving humans enormously fulfilled. (Kind of like when scientists discovered Sudoku)</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I can’t wait for a “Mom Drone.” It’ll bring me my morning coffee in bed, find cute cat videos, and praise my pizza puffs. And of course a Social Security drone will monitor a teen's social interactions because I think we can all agree that if you believe there’s such a thing as a “trustworthy teenager,” you’re an oxymoron. (Just kidding, kids!)</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Drones will also help you live longer because they’ll undo all the kids’ behaviors that drive you to your grave. For example, on long car trips with preschoolers, a drone will be assigned to each kid. When a child becomes fussy, the drone will be programmed to practice soothing techniques from a Level 1—humming an up-beat tune, to a <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2013/03/screenagers-and-money-tree.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">DEFCON Level 1</span></a>—strapping them to the <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2012/05/confessions-of-real-mom.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">luggage rack</span></a>. (Of course, in their carseats. What kind of reckless monster do you think I am?)</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKgFptOa_k2Pgz4AOpk3LP2qjcwnDZwEo8-gN6MdETLS28cJ_AcJK782nb6ppjqaLb7EEUp3IxeB2oy2bNAs_8JmB1i7XLW05Aa7VhpN1UqQVrHElndG7BGpwahJZBLY8W2U_LUlL2ABDy/s1600/original-14524-1399310456-15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKgFptOa_k2Pgz4AOpk3LP2qjcwnDZwEo8-gN6MdETLS28cJ_AcJK782nb6ppjqaLb7EEUp3IxeB2oy2bNAs_8JmB1i7XLW05Aa7VhpN1UqQVrHElndG7BGpwahJZBLY8W2U_LUlL2ABDy/s1600/original-14524-1399310456-15.jpg" height="226" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">buzzfeed.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Additionally, drones will rescue marriages by neutralizing a spouse’s annoying habits—drones will shut dresser drawers, re-adjust the thermostat, and remove clothes draped over the treadmill and hair from the freaking shower soap. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">They will also benefit spousal communication. A husband will speak into the drone and it will translate a card-carrying Martian husband’s annoying carping about “Why the heck can’t you bring the trash cans up from the curb?” into a sweet, Venus-esque suggestion about bringing the trash cans up from the curb and how you looked especially beautiful this morning and why do you even wear makeup?” If I heard messages like that, I’d be happier and he’d get luckier—a win-win. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW8XvkE2t9vBpRCZ19QJVScAY0xJoUpQ7xWvua8Z8xoTjd9pGa_CY4saumAGNM9gUF16NEHQ9VIyqHjCVXljscXgB_KK-rgLM6cuyCqmtvZgm8aqrLxadrD830rAjC_nWq7U5YSX8EGqAz/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW8XvkE2t9vBpRCZ19QJVScAY0xJoUpQ7xWvua8Z8xoTjd9pGa_CY4saumAGNM9gUF16NEHQ9VIyqHjCVXljscXgB_KK-rgLM6cuyCqmtvZgm8aqrLxadrD830rAjC_nWq7U5YSX8EGqAz/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.pinterest.com/sophienette/my-tv/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Imagine how the divorce rate would drop. Lawyers would no longer be needed, except to handle Mesothelioma cases.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Since people would be less stressed, most psychiatrists would go out of business too. I’d hate to see folks lose their jobs, but as long as I can still get my meds . . . </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cmnFSQKSvqNuCbg-Ontnwn_pKMt5bkCf-ioFw0EqF2pHm1XZ1JcZO0gnIRM_lteGzVBq69ucOO5OlCZMhWXgwCdb_t81liS1cQPWy-e5PwLxYkft8G5E4pQ0i4KgGlDcPP-aCvSBbb-l/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cmnFSQKSvqNuCbg-Ontnwn_pKMt5bkCf-ioFw0EqF2pHm1XZ1JcZO0gnIRM_lteGzVBq69ucOO5OlCZMhWXgwCdb_t81liS1cQPWy-e5PwLxYkft8G5E4pQ0i4KgGlDcPP-aCvSBbb-l/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">dailymail.co.uk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As you can plainly see, using drones in the household will have fantastic benefits. For one, I’ll have a lot more time for Sudoku.</span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-43441325317708844982014-04-03T11:28:00.001-07:002014-04-03T11:28:18.564-07:00Get Over It. Life's Just Not Fair<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Get Over It. Life’s Just Not Fair</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Last week my high school daughters played basketball against the Memphis Homeschool Team, all of whom were six-footers. Where do they get all those tall girls? I’m pretty sure you can’t grow to be six feet tall eating only bean sprouts and granola. And since their team doesn’t play in a regular “league” that checks their ages, I bet 95% of them are old enough to have watched the first episode of “Friends.”</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDOcnAtSRB3jbDSlVUsHgb8VESoYhrhuJxuwj2FAA7qqDJaLKPRzUYzITWCfpwWI8OHKE6A25POIJdre05a_0ldH20QGC0MrZhQQxzMUlTkOtlm2RITtdLZNSuGflYSeoWEz0FiMqAnz0/s1600/savannatrapphp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #cc66cc; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDOcnAtSRB3jbDSlVUsHgb8VESoYhrhuJxuwj2FAA7qqDJaLKPRzUYzITWCfpwWI8OHKE6A25POIJdre05a_0ldH20QGC0MrZhQQxzMUlTkOtlm2RITtdLZNSuGflYSeoWEz0FiMqAnz0/s1600/savannatrapphp.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12px;">prospect-central.blogspot.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The Homeschoolers are phenomenal because they do a couple of hours of classwork in the morning and play basketball the rest of the day while our kids have to go real school and learn stupid stuff like Latin (like, who even SPEAKS that anymore?) and endure Taco Tuesday.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">A typical day for a Homeschool basketball player consists of getting up at 5 a.m., eating a yummy tofu scramble, playing online “Jeopardy! (quantum physics edition),” shadowing a Mayo Clinic neurosurgeon in an on-line internship, AP Calculus/Trig/Legos, followed by lunch of organic bean curd and “home-school ham,” composed of hand-pressed tofu and pink jello. Then AP Adventures in Ancient Mandarin, AP Neuro-biometrics and Episiotomies Lab, and AP Cello. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk4bv-X7xSQ_EviE_KRQRmCpnsCPip-_tl0v_lqJZC1VdQ-eUC-Dg_O_beSB0r5A2lJWqjb6NlFDaReQOlov1gokcSw7Z1t3BtD0JzYS74AowSf2K3h-Klm0ePR4kggKjO8eODGJmEA0c/s1600/girl-high-school-player-can-dunk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #cc66cc; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk4bv-X7xSQ_EviE_KRQRmCpnsCPip-_tl0v_lqJZC1VdQ-eUC-Dg_O_beSB0r5A2lJWqjb6NlFDaReQOlov1gokcSw7Z1t3BtD0JzYS74AowSf2K3h-Klm0ePR4kggKjO8eODGJmEA0c/s1600/girl-high-school-player-can-dunk.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="269" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12px;">teenchive.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">At 12 p.m. basketball practice begins with the “make 100-three-pointers in a row or run til you puke drill,” flying to Louisville for a light scrimmage with the Louisville men’s team, and AP Sportsmanship. (stalling techniques when you’re winning by 40)</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Adding to their humiliation, our girls have to watch their pre-game warm up. Why warm up? They could win with a serious case of pinkeye and one arm tied behind their back drawing graphs of exponential antiderivatives—with a PEN. Instead of honing their 360 degree dunks, they should all just grab a carrot stick and listen to Yo-Yo Ma on their headphones.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s not fair that we have to compete against girls who play basketball all day and who actually understand how hang time and backspin affect trajectory.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhVTOVCPkrY_h95N2aTvNk7-eiW8NoA7O73dHEOnGglMAWKrJDD7PlSxEI7MbsHhLcEuT3msAoD6GvfKUo1wlo2WRgqYb86jR229_qXLQX65zxfxNVHSEqHMJalm45hTKZVrRSXQYJq2E/s1600/bball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #cc66cc; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhVTOVCPkrY_h95N2aTvNk7-eiW8NoA7O73dHEOnGglMAWKrJDD7PlSxEI7MbsHhLcEuT3msAoD6GvfKUo1wlo2WRgqYb86jR229_qXLQX65zxfxNVHSEqHMJalm45hTKZVrRSXQYJq2E/s1600/bball.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12px;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&docid<br />=BkM7AygFGPIMtM&tbnid=bko0rY<br />zZEEjHdM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But, you know, a LOT of things in this world aren’t fair. For example:</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Having to go to jury duty. It’s fine for you guys, but frankly, I’m kinda busy.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">That without shoulder pads I look bottom-heavy. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When networks interrupt Swamp People to run the Democratic National Convention or something stupid like that</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">That Luke and Laura left General Hospital</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">That I can’t get my 19-year-old son’s grades from his college because it violates his right of privacy, but the government can spy on my phone calls</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">That some people don’t realize that when you’re pretending to be on your cell phone, it means you don’t want to talk to them</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Bruce Jenner now vs. Bruce Jenner then. What a tragedy. (I’m terribly sorry for you X-gens. Google him, for the love of perfectly stunning Olympian gods). We used to adore him with that strong jaw, long brown hair, short shorts, muscular legs . . . um, sorry, I digress.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEBD10Q1Wx8NaPvo77Vj64ndUh2ng_vjVTpXAnJGhG4dO_x-CDHCUNesr4w6KduW9wyECSUpm8xDtsa-nua5MEs9CBNWjIOwzH3ifnOx2boR6cEpsFmwOn6Z4QitEunm3sl6uMXtg-rUs/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #cc66cc; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEBD10Q1Wx8NaPvo77Vj64ndUh2ng_vjVTpXAnJGhG4dO_x-CDHCUNesr4w6KduW9wyECSUpm8xDtsa-nua5MEs9CBNWjIOwzH3ifnOx2boR6cEpsFmwOn6Z4QitEunm3sl6uMXtg-rUs/s1600/images.jpeg" style="border: none; position: relative;" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12px;">lifeandstylemag.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUlptZmiZfqB5B7bmqHK1ENQejshlbeYfflt3OoFvdH0qvj-aq2qAL3-N9mxDMD-QYQJwen3Z-3CxP3miGHz1c4Hg1axbDb7PkiasP-Gbbwl2riz-XgJtonPArGj9vLHcyNnYRMZuiDo4/s1600/bruce-jenner-trachea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #cc66cc; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUlptZmiZfqB5B7bmqHK1ENQejshlbeYfflt3OoFvdH0qvj-aq2qAL3-N9mxDMD-QYQJwen3Z-3CxP3miGHz1c4Hg1axbDb7PkiasP-Gbbwl2riz-XgJtonPArGj9vLHcyNnYRMZuiDo4/s1600/bruce-jenner-trachea.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="208" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12px;">stoopidhousewives.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Bruce, I know it’s NOT FAIR! You didn’t realize what you were getting into when you were strapped down and stretched tight by Kardashians. Kris should make it up to you by finding the identity of the Target credit card hackers. Maybe they can help you get your man card back.</span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-77543602601756378752014-02-19T12:10:00.001-08:002014-02-24T11:07:55.960-08:00Meeting Big-Time Authors: All In a Day's Work<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Meeting Big-Time Authors: All In a Day’s Work</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Last week I attended a fund-raising luncheon for Literacy Mid-South where W. Bruce Cameron, a New York Times best-selling author, was slated to speak. He’s only just the funniest writer of all time, and I had the chance to meet him! But to me, social situations where everyone knows each other feel like the front-yard lamb roast in <i>My Big, Fat Greek Wedding</i>. Me being the lamb. And honestly, it’s been a long time since my sweatpants and I have been apart that long.</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitsVwTOY4d3anshqQi75o1IhN9GiMNV_P7uwTN7DtMsO0DWeOS4GbCmmsoRRdmsMz9b0R6R4jBcqHMJQPTU_qp645o41ibTZTtCFNW80p0E-dAC1pikDjsSjArTMNf54xv0OiMOpce01ku/s1600/Image+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitsVwTOY4d3anshqQi75o1IhN9GiMNV_P7uwTN7DtMsO0DWeOS4GbCmmsoRRdmsMz9b0R6R4jBcqHMJQPTU_qp645o41ibTZTtCFNW80p0E-dAC1pikDjsSjArTMNf54xv0OiMOpce01ku/s1600/Image+1.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.brucecameron.com/books/8-simple-rules-for-dating-my-teenage-daughter</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The morning of the luncheon, I placed my hands over my heart chakra, greeted my Spanx respectfully with “Namaste,” </span>(we had a little bad karma from the last Open House debacle) <span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">and successfully squeezed into rubber fabric the diameter of a garden hose.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHNX15iVZiFIPjBBxLzMZWcjyiHcAcvqAy28iZKeE0MKwvRXy-eZcZai6vH1-mdBGV4s18dwWuDqNQXR0x2IuYEcYz6EeZ8f3EVLIrWcsHBRsRvuH8Rw4C-a6WKA3C_c5ICHRGimYs3GOs/s1600/muffintop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHNX15iVZiFIPjBBxLzMZWcjyiHcAcvqAy28iZKeE0MKwvRXy-eZcZai6vH1-mdBGV4s18dwWuDqNQXR0x2IuYEcYz6EeZ8f3EVLIrWcsHBRsRvuH8Rw4C-a6WKA3C_c5ICHRGimYs3GOs/s1600/muffintop.jpg" height="230" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Arriving at the luncheon, I perused the books for sale and noticed a smaller room adjacent to the lobby where two mom-friends from school mingled with Mimosas. Obviously this was the room for me, so I grabbed a flute and mentioned to them I wanted to meet W. Bruce but I was extremely nervous. My friends were no help because they do not meet famous people every day like me, being a journalist and all.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'm usually calmer after a drink and, I must say, I ALWAYS look better. But I soon realized bubbly isn’t something one should drink when one’s mid-section is wearing an iron boa constrictor. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just then a sweet woman asked me if I’d like to meet Mr. Cameron. After three mimosas, my swag was more than ready to take on a guy worth a gazillion dollars—I mean he’s just a writer like me, right? (What?? Dear God. The oxycodone from my root canal just shook hands with my friend, Korbel Brut) </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">She introduced me. “Heeyyy, Mr. W.,” I said. “Ummm, sorry. I called you W. Wad’nt he a awesome president?” I asked in my Southern Brut accent. The woman who introduced us flinched.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mr. Cameron politely commented that winter is so bad in the South this year he probably wouldn’t come back for a while.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1L0ugdXvY9w7r1FhWf2lvttFiy4E3GNmx3d8nNH1_J_nlpKq5pz1Yz6nVEl2tsbhR4BVwlAKXou3gJZBmKBIUZzLLC6qCwFslBSHeR1H93QjJ2eSH58i_KBAKu-tT_-zJeg9g1nyNSeIv/s1600/fart-embarrassed-350x350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1L0ugdXvY9w7r1FhWf2lvttFiy4E3GNmx3d8nNH1_J_nlpKq5pz1Yz6nVEl2tsbhR4BVwlAKXou3gJZBmKBIUZzLLC6qCwFslBSHeR1H93QjJ2eSH58i_KBAKu-tT_-zJeg9g1nyNSeIv/s1600/fart-embarrassed-350x350.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">danoah.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">As I tried to redeem myself, a champagne burp, sparked by a Spanx revolution, rose and parked in my esophagus, and I was racked with angst because an expulsion of air was imminent. Should I turn away? Act like I was whhhhhispering Mimosa instructions to the oblivious bartender? Or let it fizzle through my nose while he was talking? That would've burned, and Dr. Oz says that's not safe AND it’s the leading cause of belly fat. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I couldn't concentrate on what to say because my Spanx were hissing too loudly in Parsel-tongue, squeezing my mid section up into my brain. (Ok. Parents of teens ARE my demographic, and you haven’t seen Harry Potter?)</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0mwrg3ZgUrbcgk5TBAyaQrbsoVRBBDJom3W5wc3xYzR0Kf70iSVGNopBZRmSZvPcd4cU5WjKABRKrDvVZTOhyDUFoEA-lx07l7y0PADp3xSbEc0AM6SuobIXnEJb3FWWOsdkDg-GvfQiS/s1600/parselmouth_by_chouette_e-d4xtoe8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0mwrg3ZgUrbcgk5TBAyaQrbsoVRBBDJom3W5wc3xYzR0Kf70iSVGNopBZRmSZvPcd4cU5WjKABRKrDvVZTOhyDUFoEA-lx07l7y0PADp3xSbEc0AM6SuobIXnEJb3FWWOsdkDg-GvfQiS/s1600/parselmouth_by_chouette_e-d4xtoe8.jpg" height="320" width="241" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">http://www.deviantart.com/art/Parseltongue-298676672</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-size: large; text-align: center;">OH SORRY!!! WRONG PICTURE!!</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM_0zL-4FaoqE5TPxxkJUNbo_6XYEkPqS6sU-ACdeR-QMsH1aBpVIpZaELoEEVco1s3kvTN071yVsKJ-CVrlUmKTtMqZkdKDN0tO6_rmAcjNzKt0afyPduCcj8xmRXf00DqDquwlKxvKgj/s1600/Harry_Potter_at_London_Zoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM_0zL-4FaoqE5TPxxkJUNbo_6XYEkPqS6sU-ACdeR-QMsH1aBpVIpZaELoEEVco1s3kvTN071yVsKJ-CVrlUmKTtMqZkdKDN0tO6_rmAcjNzKt0afyPduCcj8xmRXf00DqDquwlKxvKgj/s1600/Harry_Potter_at_London_Zoo.jpg" height="175" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=I4VRk5yIfJiTBM&tbnid=VzghkHDjLBsrUM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbrooke-johnson.blogspot.com%2F2012%2F07%2Fback-to-basics-harry-potter-and.html&ei=iyAFU9DdMNDQkQfllYCAAw&bvm=bv.61535280,d.eW0&psig=AFQjCNEk9C_X4O1BhwOVQtCJYnc2uO0ykg&ust=1392931324195961">brooke-johnson.blogspot.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, I realized if I stifled my burp, it Had. To. Expel. Somewhere. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I got so nervous, my dress started sweating. I casually crossed my arms while listening to W.’s writing tips and realized it was my shapewear that was sweating . . . spray Pam. How else do you think I got the $%@# things on? (FYI, there’s an online Spanx forum hosted by “Smart Physics Gals and Cross-dressing Divas,” since you ask. I can’t think of that scientific stuff myself! For the love of all professions with zero earning potential, I’m a writer!)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWdP-_7eSGvmE4MozWgQLI_CRuoxV3eJ1x8XE5_GZ9uWrFRLfEDGQ7bAh0pmJZcDITaOl1Z_WCa4kQBToPdzFGCdYBDDUoURruPkTG-H1OvllcLd3LbP5pPHhBNJ5OB47WQw7CKxoNV5Rk/s1600/sweaty_celebs_down_in_the_pits.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWdP-_7eSGvmE4MozWgQLI_CRuoxV3eJ1x8XE5_GZ9uWrFRLfEDGQ7bAh0pmJZcDITaOl1Z_WCa4kQBToPdzFGCdYBDDUoURruPkTG-H1OvllcLd3LbP5pPHhBNJ5OB47WQw7CKxoNV5Rk/s1600/sweaty_celebs_down_in_the_pits.jpg" height="400" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">posh24.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Soon another newbie writer wandered up and I bolted for the Ladies Room, exhaling something about squeezy snakes and </span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“s-uurrrp-ents,” which I’m sure will surface on Youtube soon.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">While cutting off and disposing of my Anaconda, I missed Bruce’s comments about his teenagers, the inspiration for his first book.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">In “8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter,” he writes that his opinions are often out-voted and ignored by his wife and girls, but he never backs down from his role as Decision-Maker because—“I’m the Father, that’s why.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Like Bruce, my </span>opinions are ignored by my kids,<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> but I still have to perform motherly obligations like signing forms and other really important stuff. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px;">Besides</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px;">, I still get satisfaction embarrassing my 15-year-old and her friends by driving them to the movies, loudly rocking my “Raspberry Beret." I've totally earned that—because I’m the Mother, that’s why.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span>The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-32511704339185088332014-02-18T13:00:00.000-08:002014-02-18T13:00:42.776-08:00Getting Back to the Gym Shocks My Chakras<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Getting Back to the Gym Shocks My Chakras</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I recently started going back to GloboGym, as I call it, a name based on the powerful motion picture “Dodgeball,” winner of the prestigious “Rob Schneider Ill-Conceived-Film-We-Hate-To-Love” award.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl20XqmXgdq7sT_Ghpt206wt-HCdLZIWBjDy81RRqRHsZNlyuIfSrkXUlwQUsU-jzW_QVchothuHMs14wV7Rt4P6EE1lbfj1fh-kcBWzHaUhuiaUgEkTngIJNfTKfjM7kOlXaUsnr0zNln/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl20XqmXgdq7sT_Ghpt206wt-HCdLZIWBjDy81RRqRHsZNlyuIfSrkXUlwQUsU-jzW_QVchothuHMs14wV7Rt4P6EE1lbfj1fh-kcBWzHaUhuiaUgEkTngIJNfTKfjM7kOlXaUsnr0zNln/s1600/images.jpeg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">cinema.theiapolis.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t want to start attending again, but a friend dragged me by the muffin top and we waded into the vast, unfamiliar Elliptical Sea. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My problem is I don’t like working out around people. Actually, I just don’t like people. I could medal in Avoiding Eye Contact, and I don’t want to talk to anyone at the gym EVER. (Can I make that any clearer, people?) </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Listen up gym talkers, I don’t want to converse with you because first, I am sweating Chardonnay. (unassuming, yet oaky with a hint of fruit, since you ask) Second, even though I’ve known you for years, I do not remember your name nor what you said to me the last time. That’s decidedly too much pressure early in the morning. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I also feel like everyone’s judging me at the gym, and I don’t want to see young, thin girls, reminding me I used to . . . well, never look like that. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Not only an expert in Avoiding Eye Contact, I could also grab the Gold in the Smoke and Mirrors event because I’ve mastered tricking people outside my family into thinking I’m put-together and somewhat cool. I work hard to be aloof and indifferent, and my jig would be up if people saw me do ANYTHING in Power Studio Jam Dance class.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig0CO-pd_Z7-NbISZX71FIs77mRNxqGPLVphlt-OID0mqavLPsBZ7gxDGXGtBLtB-heO8ZYErjch5-j-R8e6jWwTcBy6rE0sLOrCj5U4VypQdZfGkVmIeBB4tDFtIvDYeh-QmYjfPIDCxp/s1600/a67f11fa87a7cbf9b25129cac6d7121e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig0CO-pd_Z7-NbISZX71FIs77mRNxqGPLVphlt-OID0mqavLPsBZ7gxDGXGtBLtB-heO8ZYErjch5-j-R8e6jWwTcBy6rE0sLOrCj5U4VypQdZfGkVmIeBB4tDFtIvDYeh-QmYjfPIDCxp/s1600/a67f11fa87a7cbf9b25129cac6d7121e.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.pinterest.com/rachelbrooks/fashionactivewear/<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">In a gym, one also exudes coolness by wearing the right clothes. I noticed right off my workout clothes were out of style. As everyone knows, ladies now wear yoga pants in which one Vinyasticates, which makes the pants so much more pretentious and yoga-ier than regular sweats.</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMnXEsj8lF491iPC5nCctC-vSASK0rDhgMk-A9iF7iNEkGbtZgGcCcbqm22OXoh9ZKYUmB-EfE01JlbQ7HFyJvBIldWLT9iXxWCc2avPx0fxCvBWX__BG2qZ5mfrp2wAv3H5cia9WLyIRU/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMnXEsj8lF491iPC5nCctC-vSASK0rDhgMk-A9iF7iNEkGbtZgGcCcbqm22OXoh9ZKYUmB-EfE01JlbQ7HFyJvBIldWLT9iXxWCc2avPx0fxCvBWX__BG2qZ5mfrp2wAv3H5cia9WLyIRU/s1600/images.jpeg" height="250" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">prolificliving.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday I went to a GloboGym yoga class. I really don’t "get" yoga so I just watched. After observing for fifteen minutes, my keen journalistic instinct (not everyone has this) told me I pretty much knew everything there was to know about yoga, except for foreign phrases like “Vishti hatha ashtanga recaca,” which I believe translates, “Vishti has ripped one with a strange odor.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI9JVCgC9GE9zaQYL_QUSixvXoCE84y5pDhemYc7xetlXZ_Coic7RgaGbHOS2XiUXGnSK7OzuLOXULQHDuH6D4MQOox45PS7IWYufxRGRtWcxjrxIefNuMlUtXsCVPQYlRSXxTlNtxyx-c/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI9JVCgC9GE9zaQYL_QUSixvXoCE84y5pDhemYc7xetlXZ_Coic7RgaGbHOS2XiUXGnSK7OzuLOXULQHDuH6D4MQOox45PS7IWYufxRGRtWcxjrxIefNuMlUtXsCVPQYlRSXxTlNtxyx-c/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">gradydoctor.com<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">To me, yoga is like golf. If I’m gonna spend an hour or two at something, I want to burn lots of calories instead of centering myself. I mean, I can “center” with Benadryl, Kendall Jackson, Michael Buble, and my Skymall massage mat. Dang, I’d be all kinds of centered.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t think the yoga siri, or whoever, could read my aura as I watched the class on account of I don’t have a sociology degree. But my aura wasn’t exactly positive. As she babbled about keeping our chakras checked and other Utter Hooey, I watched a few downward dogs and decided everybody should forget their doshas, and work on their tushes.</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgffue-a9H2BAs1RhL3bUrcOuBdVTHqfiBsyGRtdJTnzSWLD2xlfJyU7xzDMowezNHXT_tLIFID3pbx5I3hRK0H0FeAjqs3dpe7RCsu5FiCPehTOD6W-914EUGX_mJzFI43iA8Aw61HBdJ6/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgffue-a9H2BAs1RhL3bUrcOuBdVTHqfiBsyGRtdJTnzSWLD2xlfJyU7xzDMowezNHXT_tLIFID3pbx5I3hRK0H0FeAjqs3dpe7RCsu5FiCPehTOD6W-914EUGX_mJzFI43iA8Aw61HBdJ6/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">supportiveyoga.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I probably won’t go back to yoga, unless it’s to actually give it a chance. Because of my unwavering commitment to indolence and the Queen Latifah show, I’ll probably just continue to stay active by cleaning Cheetos out of the couch cushions. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I really need to get my “asana” stationary bike, but it IS almost happy hour. Maybe I should ease into yoga by giving the “centering” thing a try. </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFCKdaWLybaJvLcewYlpu9OKpCC1UOa7ECp0TskHp_GkUqJOxwPLrHhKxpht86mW_icCZHSpNk0-zUfBb1gkvbI4xDKjUo0peqK2ZdXq9dShsL1pHMy3eM1Sq4bNeXPZDlRURWXDolviBW/s1600/Training_Store_Mats_Img09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFCKdaWLybaJvLcewYlpu9OKpCC1UOa7ECp0TskHp_GkUqJOxwPLrHhKxpht86mW_icCZHSpNk0-zUfBb1gkvbI4xDKjUo0peqK2ZdXq9dShsL1pHMy3eM1Sq4bNeXPZDlRURWXDolviBW/s1600/Training_Store_Mats_Img09.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">deonthaiyoga.com<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Do a little Partner Yoga with Kendall Jackson, sing a few mantras with Michael, and become one with my massage mat. If anyone asks, I’ll be in Nirvana.</span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-566004987439509032014-02-07T11:06:00.001-08:002016-05-02T13:39:05.573-07:00Sister Act Steals Mom's Heart<br />
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sister Act Steals Mom’s Heart</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I love the circus, and I even volunteered to be in a skit with a clown once. I didn’t know what I was getting into—kind of like motherhood. My three kids built a three-ring theater of chaos, creating a whirlwind of mayhem and magic. I’m Bozo with funny make-up and clothes, trying to force all of them and their gear into a tiny clown car, and sometimes trying to force them into <i>my</i> version of what the circus should look like. Both endeavors are usually unsuccessful.</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGJu8vSgAvE78Gz2RkUhW3ZgfkwrTTzZq1X0b14YsLoHAIhopGdyFQ8d9NLCay8HVbqsgMiVrP0tq4W7xGb7ikUgCt22fx4YTfETHqzXKexl9kJpIDAEU2uvqimSRXmXIFwyJiErvQNG8F/s1600/1385682_10200667060263254_563601860_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGJu8vSgAvE78Gz2RkUhW3ZgfkwrTTzZq1X0b14YsLoHAIhopGdyFQ8d9NLCay8HVbqsgMiVrP0tq4W7xGb7ikUgCt22fx4YTfETHqzXKexl9kJpIDAEU2uvqimSRXmXIFwyJiErvQNG8F/s400/1385682_10200667060263254_563601860_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: magenta;">greatclownportraits.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Managing my teenagers is like herding the big cats into the main arena when they know the smell of the raw meat is <b><i>not</i></b> coming from anywhere near there. They know that if they remain distracted, they can make a mockery of the poor lion tamer and avoid doing any tricks in the center ring—or<i> </i>the laundry room. </span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpshrz-7DFDfplISfbHU1D7gzcchhRi90Vh4Tiq1Di07qSkTlLK9ojYpOA43e1cu9IeGQgtMmC5Nje1F2dndfay10bi7B8kneSRvyrPCbfB9Md0xO2BZxC9ECpOlKFzvpsEtEEWdZXrNNI/s1600/79254-004-0136D2B4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpshrz-7DFDfplISfbHU1D7gzcchhRi90Vh4Tiq1Di07qSkTlLK9ojYpOA43e1cu9IeGQgtMmC5Nje1F2dndfay10bi7B8kneSRvyrPCbfB9Md0xO2BZxC9ECpOlKFzvpsEtEEWdZXrNNI/s400/79254-004-0136D2B4.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: magenta;">britannica.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Actually, distraction is an art form they’ve perfected. Late one night I yelled upstairs and asked my exhausted, giddy girls for their soccer uniforms so I could wash them. They were lying on the floor upstairs, and from below, I could only see their bare feet kicking the bannister and hear their giggling. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="background-color: #bcbcbc; clear: both; color: #c600c6; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP1F4OUaIWgsE5gKQeUL7VAP4ah2vj9VgpOLvyJrmym2NnrvKC56ZaMBhN7PSI0sx0trkNskYf3LBQEzKY3bwNSYYzgaFQEA53gXQvzM7L8P9a1sVHh_FquPYLbF9D46lZP068ZJqM_an1/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #d78787; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP1F4OUaIWgsE5gKQeUL7VAP4ah2vj9VgpOLvyJrmym2NnrvKC56ZaMBhN7PSI0sx0trkNskYf3LBQEzKY3bwNSYYzgaFQEA53gXQvzM7L8P9a1sVHh_FquPYLbF9D46lZP068ZJqM_an1/s400/images.jpeg" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="background-color: #bcbcbc; clear: both; color: #c600c6; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">flickriver.com shutterbug2188</span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Me</b> (from below): Go get your uniforms! I need to wash them!</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C: Mooooommm, we’ll just wear them dirty. I was almost asleep.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">B: Yeah, I was getting under the covers.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Me:</b> I <b><i>want</i></b> you to get your uniforms.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C:<i> </i><b><i>I</i></b> want a golden toilet seat. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Me:</b> (laughing) What jersey number are you? </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C to B: Don’t make eye contact with her, you’ll turn into a (incomprehensible mumble). Do you know what number I am?</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">B to C: Why are you asking <i>me</i>?</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C to B: ‘Cause it’s your turn to keep me.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Me </b>(hearing their conversation): <b><i>I'm</i></b> gonna keep <i>pestering</i> you!</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C: Mooooom, you’re such a NAG!!</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">B: Yeah, g</span></span><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">o nag DAD!</span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>This is the sweet stuff of my life. My kids sprinkle Gobstoppers and Gummy Bears into my single-scoop, vanilla world, and give me a delicious zest for life—and sometimes brain-freeze. They are the essence of bedlam and bliss, all wrapped up in sugar and sass and stinky cleats. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="background-color: #bcbcbc; clear: both; color: #c600c6; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wSk9nbffxtkJHsdw_WwIHOQJGzT-re3kUWoLQKMmIBOsYhEBls13EAQWxr7nhsWhIJxHYhefxI2rRyAzeXgSFTMREVOkqYbU2qV2bi8wUCAJhPNxM02llEVDyGK1B0xZJoW0seTG_X3v/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #d78787; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wSk9nbffxtkJHsdw_WwIHOQJGzT-re3kUWoLQKMmIBOsYhEBls13EAQWxr7nhsWhIJxHYhefxI2rRyAzeXgSFTMREVOkqYbU2qV2bi8wUCAJhPNxM02llEVDyGK1B0xZJoW0seTG_X3v/s1600/images.jpeg" style="border: none; position: relative;" /></span></a></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">fotocommunity.com by Rix Weber</span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> I never had siblings so their relationship captivates me. Laughter and late-night whispering weave their teenage hearts together, forming a sacred sister-bond of private affairs and pinky swears. I marvel at the rhythm of their dance, an interplay in which they are as opposite as oil and water and as intimate as peanut butter and jelly. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I love getting to watch them every day in their center-ring silliness. I don’t even mind being the clown. However, I’m pretty sure Bozo never nags.</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-87089849387992523722014-02-07T10:52:00.002-08:002014-02-07T10:54:32.426-08:00A Sleighful of Fuzzy Polaroids and Magic Memories<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; text-align: center; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; text-align: center;">At Christmas my nostalgia rises like the aroma of snickerdoodles wafting through the kitchen. Of course that would be the “slice-n-bake” kind rather than homemade because, instead of Martha Stewart, I’m more like Peg Bundy minus the stilettos.</span><br />
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8076511306523251885" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: #bcbcbc; color: #c600c6; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 498px;">
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmf-FMfSM_spGX7m2ZOGu_gcAXmaVny5o2yJtk0jNS7jY8dCkr8gTuif3PfZPp7pRdqAyLYeZ2hj26oQ2VVdz37raAhhfoeXjwvSm1r5g2IsV5vyI7-hCzB0O-tgweYEyk0x8s4-tX7LE4/s1600/112-i1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #d78787; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmf-FMfSM_spGX7m2ZOGu_gcAXmaVny5o2yJtk0jNS7jY8dCkr8gTuif3PfZPp7pRdqAyLYeZ2hj26oQ2VVdz37raAhhfoeXjwvSm1r5g2IsV5vyI7-hCzB0O-tgweYEyk0x8s4-tX7LE4/s320/112-i1.jpg" height="242" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #cccccc; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: large;">imasillymami.com</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When my son comes home from college this month, I’ll pop a luscious Mrs. Smith’s pumpkin pie in the oven along with some Sister Schubert’s rolls to recreate the aroma of Christmas Past just like he remembers.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Nothing less for MY son.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We’ll buy our live tree and decorate it together with the kids’ old handmade ornaments. And like always, I’ll reminisce about the magic that permeated our home when little hands wrote crayon letters to “Santa Cwaus at de Nawth Po.” </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Dreaming of racetracks and toy kitchens with real sizzling sounds, my kids used to climb up on the mall Santa’s velvety lap. One year, as I watched them there within the finger-licking scent of Cinnabon, I realized MY dreams had all come true. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I stood in grateful silence. Amid the chaos of scrambling elves and flashing cameras, I breathed an epiphany that grabbed my soul with both hands. It opened my heart like a sacred book, etching within its pages close-up snapshots of dimples and bashful in a smocked dress. And the timid essence of a chubby little finger reaching for Santa’s beard.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLIlajBuBQTsZjPcbqBLPdsmme_9OxFFRDzGEyAMOEJWymhy3zElQSapd8CtUx8_89JL-Cm3vEi6vthOjQGYWdSnKptlPsdl-RjhMk9Cfq19-72Pn3uqnxh2iJd5dHKABjCLBsa6FYtGV/s1600/bilde.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #d78787; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLIlajBuBQTsZjPcbqBLPdsmme_9OxFFRDzGEyAMOEJWymhy3zElQSapd8CtUx8_89JL-Cm3vEi6vthOjQGYWdSnKptlPsdl-RjhMk9Cfq19-72Pn3uqnxh2iJd5dHKABjCLBsa6FYtGV/s320/bilde.jpeg" height="320" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="207" /></span></a></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">thedailyjournal.com</span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The Jolly Guy gave them a treat as they slid from his lap, but I didn’t realize I would turn around and their hands would clutch car keys instead of candy canes.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It seems like yesterday that three freshly-bathed kids, waiting for Rudolph, snuggled up to Dad as he read <i>The Night Before Christmas</i>. My two girls with pink, chipped toenails peeking out from Barbie nightgowns. And my son in his Star Wars t-shirt leaning in close behind Dad’s ear. They hung on every word, and Dad paused at the end of each sentence so they could finish the rhyme. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I never imagined listening to Dad would be so hard for them when they became teenagers.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Christmas Day meant the patter of four little feet in footy pajamas tearing down the hall and a wide-eyed, squealing baby girl toddling after the fun. She was just happy to be puttering behind her brother and sister, learning by heart the meaning of family and forevers and fa-la-la’s. I was too.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCaR08B1Tpz85zNZUdxp7G14jkYzewZ60qlco1vaHBJXEq7U7ieJ36Du27rL8GA20AngU3SnfGOzqJAGAQebMc3QV2slqlQUUgscM8MeiOMYFOEjLw6g3Ja6lTL1dVEMYyyzY_SW0wYNoD/s1600/girls-xmas-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #d78787; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCaR08B1Tpz85zNZUdxp7G14jkYzewZ60qlco1vaHBJXEq7U7ieJ36Du27rL8GA20AngU3SnfGOzqJAGAQebMc3QV2slqlQUUgscM8MeiOMYFOEjLw6g3Ja6lTL1dVEMYyyzY_SW0wYNoD/s320/girls-xmas-2.jpg" height="320" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="231" /></span></a></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="font-size: large;">petitlemblog.com</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Toddlers in full-body fleece were long ago replaced by teenage girls in boxer shorts. But I often stroll through photo albums and love on my sleighfull of memories wrapped in Silent Nights and Little Tikes. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Leaping from fuzzy Polaroids, my snaggle-toothed Cindy Lou Whos bear hug me, and I forget the frustration of finding red icing smeared into the carpet and meltdowns in the toy department. And sometimes it was the kids who melted down.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Once while Christmas shopping, I almost had a mental collapse changing a diaper under the raised tailgate of my SUV. Unusually stressed, I fumbled with the sticky strips in drizzling rain while the other kids’ fists were flying in the backseat. I felt a familiar twinge of bat crazy twisting from my stomach when a misguided Happy Meal toy smacked me squarely on the forehead and a <i>Goodnight Moon</i> book whizzed past my ear. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Every inch of me wanted to scream, “I don’t deserve this!” but I tried to remember the awe of kneeling beside them after bedtime prayers and butterfly kisses. That sense of wonder always washed away the spilled sippy cups of exasperation and every bit of drippy ice cream on new shoes. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #8c52f5; font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>These days I am humbled when I steal into my teenagers’ rooms at night and kneel in the same holy spot I’ve knelt in for eighteen Christmases. The sense of Extraordinary cleanses away the leaking Gatorade bottles of frustration and every ounce of dripping sarcasm on the phone. It’s that magical moment of the day when I linger over their amazing, lumpy bodies under the covers. My misty eyes trickle praises to the Creator and I marvel, “What did I ever do to deserve this?”</span></span></div>
</div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-110822437434204752014-01-29T11:05:00.001-08:002014-01-29T11:05:03.440-08:00Dad Coaches: "Have Fun. Winning Is Fun!"<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Dad Coaches: “We’re Gonna Have Fun. Winning Is Fun”</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My daughters won their school’s State Championship in soccer last Saturday. My senior daughter said goodbye to an incredible coach she’s had for four years. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">School coaches do a great job teaching the nuances of their sport to kids who already know the basics. But who taught them the basics? Dads (and moms) who sacrificed their patience and sanity coaching church and community leagues since their kids were spastic kindergartners.</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3AsaXX5r85iMMpag2BHYIRHAksaL-4U12VjX2RbWZ9jj991z-Tc3wY19Lq7JXPLkOOKF1AIhd13euT8Egyhhd7HcJHmknt-UX7yrzbRG5ARPgU_WAb2yic-zpJMjNmif4r9TfkO-YntsP/s1600/577755_10200926725637337_1099614657_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3AsaXX5r85iMMpag2BHYIRHAksaL-4U12VjX2RbWZ9jj991z-Tc3wY19Lq7JXPLkOOKF1AIhd13euT8Egyhhd7HcJHmknt-UX7yrzbRG5ARPgU_WAb2yic-zpJMjNmif4r9TfkO-YntsP/s1600/577755_10200926725637337_1099614657_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&docid=N_zr4ajNfT4I7M&tbnid=fJLcyPvMCURT0M:<br />
&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nhnotebo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2012/06/evolution-of-dads.html" target="_blank">good Dad</a>-coach knows his players in ways a school coach can’t. He’ll call Katie before a game to reassure her she can handle that tall #23 under the basket. He knows Anna’s gonna cry if he yells. And he knows Alexa likes chocolate milk with her pancakes after his daughter’s sleepover. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A good Dad-coach will angrily throw his clipboard down. And at least once each season, he’ll be ejected from the ball park and watch the game from his car for uttering “another word” when the umpire orders him not to.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHkZR4V0qn2i4jDHcr__7W4EsZSJ4TH9cKBSvU0jHj1YH2zdoPgdO1jVjBlx7AWSMdk-uk4pHUB1we2f3uq9bDrR7rAdsRKpv_ggeL9i2Rxtw2RcMluNX6Zo4ZeA8S07UBo_ih4Bza1csG/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHkZR4V0qn2i4jDHcr__7W4EsZSJ4TH9cKBSvU0jHj1YH2zdoPgdO1jVjBlx7AWSMdk-uk4pHUB1we2f3uq9bDrR7rAdsRKpv_ggeL9i2Rxtw2RcMluNX6Zo4ZeA8S07UBo_ih4Bza1csG/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=1b3FDIWPhIYQuM&tbnid=PpR78W0ae<br />FZRKM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">He knows how to smile nicely while questioning a ref’s masculinity. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwulZ268zPFkfuEn-x2-tiOuMIMsrkAEbP_oRc7PmX23eM4C_h_qcyOi_SJnXYlC7S-BnZFxjJ2REHJRKRQs1IOC6U40_pGW5JbzYrlpHGDd6Kr1WZ3dDxINovB_pFaw_vms1oZyxKKyhG/s1600/man_playing_pinball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwulZ268zPFkfuEn-x2-tiOuMIMsrkAEbP_oRc7PmX23eM4C_h_qcyOi_SJnXYlC7S-BnZFxjJ2REHJRKRQs1IOC6U40_pGW5JbzYrlpHGDd6Kr1WZ3dDxINovB_pFaw_vms1oZyxKKyhG/s1600/man_playing_pinball.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">blog.seattlepi.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">He knows how to beat the Star Wars pin ball machine at Garibaldi’s after games.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">He knows trash talk is just as crucial as a good helmet.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And the best team isn’t always the one that looks best on paper. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A good Dad-coach is also über-competitive. In second grade, my daughter played on a basketball team coached by her friend Grace’s dad.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the championship game, they were short a player because of a stupid family wedding or something, and Grace, the best player on the team, was injured. Naturally, Coach John sent his daughter onto the court as if she was simply sporting a bandaid on her toe instead of a giant orthopedic boot. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVaa6eQ34b_jhnEn2cFwyeDs5ilHcMJA8YtLynZI3OrLitJ5g1IHtXDSpI6okVH30VDGF6xgjafNu83KSjB0_zuZ2AlDW5jJMP2qB59p5YLodHL2Ua_y6JHIxgMn-blw8ZKPzD9F4jOVIR/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVaa6eQ34b_jhnEn2cFwyeDs5ilHcMJA8YtLynZI3OrLitJ5g1IHtXDSpI6okVH30VDGF6xgjafNu83KSjB0_zuZ2AlDW5jJMP2qB59p5YLodHL2Ua_y6JHIxgMn-blw8ZKPzD9F4jOVIR/s1600/images.jpeg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">thelovesofjenn.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">The ref, a teenage boy with video game needs, wasn’t going to get paid for a forfeit, and boots weren’t prohibited in the manual he didn’t read. So game on.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Soon Grace flew through the air, diving for a loose ball. My daughter Catherine, a 3 1/2 ft. Dick Butkus, but twice as mean, joined the fray and Grace’s boot cut her forehead.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4SLKfs8mNTEDOZUjHGu4dV8l5cWAYPwOmnnYXLU_je1Q2Yctw1pJAe8MutWRLM9TL0oi7hyxPQL5u-f56rE34ypbY_iG9TvKDxfvU5FtYW-ryYAJrlyhelk6k1-LfhTojNSgn-5bCMPcf/s1600/628x471.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4SLKfs8mNTEDOZUjHGu4dV8l5cWAYPwOmnnYXLU_je1Q2Yctw1pJAe8MutWRLM9TL0oi7hyxPQL5u-f56rE34ypbY_iG9TvKDxfvU5FtYW-ryYAJrlyhelk6k1-LfhTojNSgn-5bCMPcf/s1600/628x471.jpg" height="233" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ctpost.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">The ref, at the sight of blood, was thrown into a Call of Duty virtual war zone haze so Coach John stopped the game. I let John handle it because I’d get my <a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2013/04/acceptance-speech-for-sports-mom-of-year.html" target="_blank">Mom Card</a> taken away if I approached my child on a court/field unless her eyeball was falling out. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">After the game, I called John’s wife who wasn’t there. “We won! And Grace scored 15 points!! </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“What?” Silence.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Oops. Well, I really can’t talk right now because I’m taking Catherine to get, um . . . stitches . . . her head ran into Grace’s boot, um . . . we have a bad connection,” I said.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Are you telling me John let Grace play? What the heck was he THINKING?” she asked. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“I don’t know, but Catherine’s beaming. She said Coach John taught them something today—’Don’t come in second. That’s just being the first loser.’”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Poor John, our brave, competitive Dad-coach won on the court that day, but I’m sure he paid the price at home that night.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Licking his wounds, he probably just left the house for awhile and worked on his pinball game at Garibaldi’s. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; letter-spacing: 0px;">
</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-13914950619981294382014-01-15T09:26:00.000-08:002014-01-29T07:47:53.513-08:00New Year's Resolutions For Celebs<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">New Year’s Resolutions For Celebs</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">This week I’ve watched several interesting stories about “The Best and Worst of 2013.” It got me thinking about my worst moments this year, such as, but not limited to . . .</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">At a country music concert, I climbed the steps of the coliseum imagining I looked pretty hot in my new skinny jeans and red boots. When I got to the top of the stairs, I thought there was one more step and catapulted face-first in John Darryl’s lap. Thank God they only played it in slow-mo on the Jumbo-tron twice more after intermission. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And once as I was telling a very interesting story at Applebee’s, I was gesticulating and hit the waiter in the gesticulars. I hope he won the lawsuit which resulted from the spilled hot coffee incident. I should really follow up on that.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">To avoid further embarrassment, I’m working on some New Year’s resolutions.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">1. Avoid drinking six frozen margarita pouches, which taste like a spiteful bartender sprinkled lemon-infused toilet bowl cleaner onto a snow cone, at any redneck venue with stairs.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">2. Keep hands to yourself when describing tense railway moments at Poplar and Houston Levee.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Consequently, here are some New Year’s resolutions that those in the 2013 national spotlight should probably make:</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">1: Never give an interview to someone in skinny jeans and Italian loafers—<a href="http://5minutesforthefrazzledmom.blogspot.com/2012/10/jose-cuervo-is-moving-in.html" target="_blank">Phil Robertson on Duck Dynasty</a>.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPKuKnHQJHR38SvHO-tnz6bYpuO_SbEoU_NlRZiUVPTHwuctRVAaRHCoym03rZ08U1qsqrbTPOJbe7BYB8ffZ4xiqC55M20N-Sy-GmBem_MHMCxOdzv9rULkqxRWMZPBlcFfdXwTBW0Z4v/s1600/hipster-with-skinny-jeans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPKuKnHQJHR38SvHO-tnz6bYpuO_SbEoU_NlRZiUVPTHwuctRVAaRHCoym03rZ08U1qsqrbTPOJbe7BYB8ffZ4xiqC55M20N-Sy-GmBem_MHMCxOdzv9rULkqxRWMZPBlcFfdXwTBW0Z4v/s320/hipster-with-skinny-jeans.jpg" height="320" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct<br />
=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=<br />
rja&docid=ydBkTIdUUeF6KM<br />
&tbnid=X2zRUexbB-NkhM:&ved=<br />
0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fsand</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWEQH7xhPv8ImXbRqYk6wOFs1NLPmx8B-uCVA9u8ivLoTyHMUss8P1U8izU0xPmKwHdnOlBuC17IZhQ3uOIYjLKggao2dVMaNqgo36LFQ3Q5VcZlNz4QlnTvRFj-ahrTyYAdy-xdrbXs32/s1600/rs_293x440-131218111321-634-gq-phil-robertson-duck-dynasty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWEQH7xhPv8ImXbRqYk6wOFs1NLPmx8B-uCVA9u8ivLoTyHMUss8P1U8izU0xPmKwHdnOlBuC17IZhQ3uOIYjLKggao2dVMaNqgo36LFQ3Q5VcZlNz4QlnTvRFj-ahrTyYAdy-xdrbXs32/s320/rs_293x440-131218111321-634-gq-phil-robertson-duck-dynasty.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q<br />
=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&<br />
cad=rja&docid=e5M4C2U5dHVT1<br />
M&tbnid=31rtxVv0aa<br />
8BxM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=<br />
http%3A%2F%2Fgeor</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">2: Obey rules of economics. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A. Don’t fire the hand that buys you beach houses.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">B. Don’t look a $500 million gift horse in the mouth.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C. A $500 million gift horse can say anything he %*@#ing pleases—Duck Dynasty producers.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">3. Make a plan to target my re-election campaign to the bingeing, drunken-stupor, crackadelic, whale, idiot demographic—Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxF49TgMuKVK9knQdbhKcLoY0mxvvphMgRK7gRLdVkzxMhru_GTc0Q3hD0EkWpsOVxdiF5W_x4_qmMto_clQa0oDEEMnubNOnIehHdxwwf6Q7rvmwvyXWj_QrENJttUFjQ1DnxskDULp2H/s1600/131120_HWAM_RobFord.jpg.CROP.promo-mediumlarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxF49TgMuKVK9knQdbhKcLoY0mxvvphMgRK7gRLdVkzxMhru_GTc0Q3hD0EkWpsOVxdiF5W_x4_qmMto_clQa0oDEEMnubNOnIehHdxwwf6Q7rvmwvyXWj_QrENJttUFjQ1DnxskDULp2H/s320/131120_HWAM_RobFord.jpg.CROP.promo-mediumlarge.jpg" height="228" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=3DQpTp6m_0yVkM&tbnid=<br />
FN4aCcSEiblC6M:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">4. Stop texting. Get Snapchat. Unsubscribe from WhirlsWithLooseGirls.com and HottiesWhoWanna.com. Develop advantageous friendship with Hugh Hefner. Shut down my website, TonyBeefaroni.com—Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdFihQz-7CJ3vzkkYAALuai1fLF_6k5gwSx_5lLQFBG-4oocnwfIxMBdPqjFPPRbwm6CcUgm8PPOuHNPXRhC66D8nIRKZBI-bihpAn9jXkE1R95vXzTm1p_uagScbH83bDjf4taqSOeOcV/s1600/screen_shot_2013-07-23_at_3.19.52_pm.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdFihQz-7CJ3vzkkYAALuai1fLF_6k5gwSx_5lLQFBG-4oocnwfIxMBdPqjFPPRbwm6CcUgm8PPOuHNPXRhC66D8nIRKZBI-bihpAn9jXkE1R95vXzTm1p_uagScbH83bDjf4taqSOeOcV/s320/screen_shot_2013-07-23_at_3.19.52_pm.png" height="193" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">www.ajc.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">5. Always follow the four basic flying rules:</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A. Try to stay in the middle of the air</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">B. Do not go near the edges of the air</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">D. Plug the airport’s address into the plane’s GPS and do not turn down the volume on the GPS because you’re playing Words With Friends—Pilot of Boeing 747 Cargo plane who landed at the wrong airport.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">6. Don’t fall for some pinhead who will love me and abandon me at an airport in Germany—Justin Bieber’s pet monkey.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">7. Work to add “Green Eggs and Ham” to the Library of Congress, as well as my personal favorite, “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish,” and work toward procuring White Castle as the Official Food of Capital Hill—Senator Ted Cruz, senate filibusterer.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2YVIKldeQKfi9NOLYqVbu2FhabAH-uaYuOjXmoSfH4cWEQ76hzOZ1u56KKx_uflROrOmL3aUyA-E1iMP3kftLG-yG_x22fSXabU41fbkH6N7zIWsw4tf5qgtargQqArFTMcxY_sSn-rUL/s1600/colin-chris-weir.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2YVIKldeQKfi9NOLYqVbu2FhabAH-uaYuOjXmoSfH4cWEQ76hzOZ1u56KKx_uflROrOmL3aUyA-E1iMP3kftLG-yG_x22fSXabU41fbkH6N7zIWsw4tf5qgtargQqArFTMcxY_sSn-rUL/s320/colin-chris-weir.jpg" height="232" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=N2-JeVfe-ssSAM&tbnid=wnH4r0a-fJsB-M:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hoax-slayer.com%2Fweir-advance-fee-scam.shtml&ei=dsHWUsCNBJOHkQfGmYDoBQ&bvm=bv.59378465,d.aWM&psig=AFQjCNFSR5wkWS8_O4WCRfWjJdsFO1Lfhg&ust=1389892149456413">www.hoax-slayer.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A. Fake death on a cruise</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">B. Buy big box for money</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">C. Change Twitter password</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">D. Redeem 2 for 1 coupon at Longhorn </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">E. No wait, fake death AFTER redeeming Longhorn coupon—Winner of last megamillion lottery.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">8. And finally, make sure Uncle Si chaperones the Ouichita High School prom this year because if Sadie OR Cole wind up on a video with the quarterback under the bleachers, heads are gonna roll—Walmart executives stocking $500 million of DD camouflage tuxedo shirts. And that’s a fact, Jack!</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEflayNxoEbEFK0r304ExLWL9PfmQiNlp6hc8Lc5fd9ExxeJzPgAomtfq-uEozBxS6GDLJLNjAZdusazhelYrosoo5TgM_lOva43fAPj5OJfyFfnI4AGhawHII6IiVNkVdM7bGud9TIQdw/s1600/il_340x270.525463687_rvdh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEflayNxoEbEFK0r304ExLWL9PfmQiNlp6hc8Lc5fd9ExxeJzPgAomtfq-uEozBxS6GDLJLNjAZdusazhelYrosoo5TgM_lOva43fAPj5OJfyFfnI4AGhawHII6IiVNkVdM7bGud9TIQdw/s320/il_340x270.525463687_rvdh.jpg" height="254" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">www.etsy.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-62761822853407935432014-01-02T15:42:00.000-08:002014-01-02T15:42:04.237-08:0012 Reasons I'm Glad Christmas Is Over<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">12 Reasons I’m Glad Christmas is Over</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#12 - My Elf On The Shelf no longer has to outdo all the other flippin’ Elves On Everyone Else’s Shelves. My Elf is worn out and he’d rather indulge in a glass of Christmas Cheer than Google his tiny brain to come up with something that will outdo little Johnny’s Elf who strung Christmas lights on the SUV and made a life-size stuffed Santa and wired him to the front of the car like it had just hit the Jolly Guy in mid-flight. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUY463bhjXVTDNRKjEIVtTOIWlS8XC_Um0hfEgTZRAMevTAJjUBV1L9NeNMu1A1s1DnY5LkEDX7MS4X7nnnksWj3NAJ1669uDaXeQS8_itugRyejrizEFC0oqsrbKZRYghG17762mg-ySM/s1600/santa-hit-by-car-www_flickr_com_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUY463bhjXVTDNRKjEIVtTOIWlS8XC_Um0hfEgTZRAMevTAJjUBV1L9NeNMu1A1s1DnY5LkEDX7MS4X7nnnksWj3NAJ1669uDaXeQS8_itugRyejrizEFC0oqsrbKZRYghG17762mg-ySM/s400/santa-hit-by-car-www_flickr_com_.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=q0uw5lbYDHJABM&tbnid=ym8p<br />ZhqPy8gzTM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#11 - I don’t have to listen to Wham! sing <i>Last Christmas</i> <i>I Gave You My Heart</i> until next year. And I will be writing Hillary Clinton about her proposing a national ban on playing the Chipmunks song anywhere other than through the loudspeaker at Guantanamo Bay.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#10 - I can expel my liquored-up, out-of-town relatives snoring in Misty Rae’s room who think the three wise men were José Cuervo, Jim Beam, and Jack Daniels.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyfXqBvce5jji4atL-fVC28JiperSFtIYwLe-LL4opx-bmd1BOvMwJcDgaag5AVuIZZZVQsJoXkiwSjof2WaphiKjE79h44nokA7_dhAzbJYrYOdvTiHQte8Hd5o4H9oSfQN8AJIytZJbK/s1600/used-2013-01-30-3-stooges-alkhall-anonymous-alcohol-recovery-sobriety.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyfXqBvce5jji4atL-fVC28JiperSFtIYwLe-LL4opx-bmd1BOvMwJcDgaag5AVuIZZZVQsJoXkiwSjof2WaphiKjE79h44nokA7_dhAzbJYrYOdvTiHQte8Hd5o4H9oSfQN8AJIytZJbK/s400/used-2013-01-30-3-stooges-alkhall-anonymous-alcohol-recovery-sobriety.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=i8GWzzo6HQ07OM&tbnid=lYNtn_wNjMqJ2M:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Falkhallanonymous.com%2Ftag%2Faa-fellowship%2Fpage%2F2%2F&ei=QPHFUodPo4TKAeaXgbgM&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNF7vS1Wf7k_7YwoD6Hp6xSL89b5fw&ust=1388790404739538">alkhallanonymous.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#9 - I can start writing my brag letter for next year. “Donna Jean met her new year’s resolution to lose 95 lbs. and compete for Miss Teen Mom USA, sponsored by Skoal. So sad she came in second! Next time she’ll put a more modern spin on her acrobatic rendition of <i>Ain’t Misbehavin’</i>.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhub36sv-29WXzfoHeoA6gVdzAFAroawonz9izTodMgHuoZFGZ8ET09a9sRDWl5EroXiTAiUHNYYxtJS6Agzz8SdArLwAIiTt6AwJiDFzs4dRtO6PDCEblFjTDTvKftNLO9r849hjqOoetA/s1600/223724-a-model-wears-a-red-bikini-from-the-lehona-plus-size-collection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhub36sv-29WXzfoHeoA6gVdzAFAroawonz9izTodMgHuoZFGZ8ET09a9sRDWl5EroXiTAiUHNYYxtJS6Agzz8SdArLwAIiTt6AwJiDFzs4dRtO6PDCEblFjTDTvKftNLO9r849hjqOoetA/s320/223724-a-model-wears-a-red-bikini-from-the-lehona-plus-size-collection.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=9hvSzkcNsLDSaM&tbnid=4qCIr730vrBoSM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.disboards.com%2Fshowthread.php%3Fp%3D48109622&ei=_PbFUta_OMegyAHX5oGgDw&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNH5zcJxM5EYqpvm-wWb65nV9eR__Q&ust=1388791690464447">www.disboards.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#8 - Shrek The Halls. ‘Nuff said.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#7 - No more paying $20.95 for express shipping for an $11 ring.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#6 - I don’t have to drink people’s eggnog to be polite. Maybe if paired with a jello mold shooter...... </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#5 - Can the kids pleeeeze go back to school already? I have to buy them stuff at Christmas AND fund their going to lunch with friends every day during Christmas break, not at McDonalds or Wendy’s, but at McAllister’s and Sekisui. “How ‘bout I watch you take down the tree and lug all the boxes back to the attic, and then we’ll talk about handing you another $20 to fund your sushi craving?” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#4 - I can start hoping Santa will get his mailroom right next year so that my new iPad doesn’t end up with some eco-mom in Scandinavia while I get stuck with a reindeer sweater.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#3 - No more ABC Family specials involving Magic Mistletoe Miracles. And Hallmark movies with terminally ill Melissa Gilbert that leave me wondering why a handsome CEO can’t walk into my bakery and let me teach him what it’s like to love and be loved.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#2 - I can stop worrying about the sheep in my yard’s nativity display. We have a purple Furby in it because raccoons made off with Baby Jesus three years ago. They also swiped the pink flamingo and the penguin standing reverently around the manger.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTGWuGg56xUlLDbrfzvBz8iXL3rT4LwAJOB1jO_4hVDOWQtbkFskej87sdczxfLZ_Bq6qP40G56TGouF_Ubv3LMSdvu9nFSUCHiqBvqZ7nRxmbAEsc5Olx2dw-ZDvZ7eSqQNqgFg4XotV4/s1600/flamingonativity.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTGWuGg56xUlLDbrfzvBz8iXL3rT4LwAJOB1jO_4hVDOWQtbkFskej87sdczxfLZ_Bq6qP40G56TGouF_Ubv3LMSdvu9nFSUCHiqBvqZ7nRxmbAEsc5Olx2dw-ZDvZ7eSqQNqgFg4XotV4/s400/flamingonativity.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=O-vHbci6SPd9yM&tbnid=8awxp1-X215FwM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Farnoldzwicky.org%2F2011%2F12%2Fpage%2F2%2F&ei=o_jFUpj6PKjXyAHO_YDgCA&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNFjHE_J1lQjkXDfs_NjDPpkZqWqxA&ust=1388792063080469">arnoldzwicky.org</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>#1 - Having to be Politically Correct and saying “Happy Holidays.” I’m ok with people telling ME, “Happy Hanukkah,” “Happy Kwanzaa,” or “Zany Zombie Day.” Just let me say “Merry Christmas” without feeling guilty!</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>So, I hope you had a Felíz-y Ramadan and a perfectly Grinchy “Who-liday” fest—as long as you leave me a gift. Cash would be great.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-70930712187484022792013-12-30T09:33:00.000-08:002013-12-30T09:33:52.233-08:00My Quest for the Fountain of Youth<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My Quest for the Fountain of Youth</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My birthday is approaching, and I’m researching beauty treatments to (make myself think) I look like I did ten years ago. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Asking around, I was amazed at how many women are getting lasered, botoxed, injected, and microdermed and spending fortunes doing it.</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD_e-V0wK7h8fvgUKKDxay_2GAbiGLPDyRa1cpidE25UFRdiysQF66EaFpVtPqdHuJ4NKQpHqnxd1HJpi7iyaaRFsWZsoe0PTM-d_emDoflqeuR13I89p1fHtKjtHltOCWZDPazcaUOHm-/s1600/JocelynWildensteinBad-Rhinoplasty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD_e-V0wK7h8fvgUKKDxay_2GAbiGLPDyRa1cpidE25UFRdiysQF66EaFpVtPqdHuJ4NKQpHqnxd1HJpi7iyaaRFsWZsoe0PTM-d_emDoflqeuR13I89p1fHtKjtHltOCWZDPazcaUOHm-/s200/JocelynWildensteinBad-Rhinoplasty.jpg" width="186" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=KeGBEtERM8hLKM&tbnid=Lh5Q7khP6BbfqM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.arizonafoothillsmagazine.com%2Fafm-style-files%2Fscottsdale-beauty-buzz%2Fbad-plastic-surgery-stiletto-nails-and-other-scary-beauty-looks&ei=BqPBUuKJAqS6yAHP6YCgDA&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNFXeiYpX4jfO3icOmiHdos4ASpsZg&ust=1388507753667463">www.arizonafoothillsmagazine.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">I called “Chateau d’ Shangra OOOH-LA-LA” yesterday to check the price of getting my underarms lasered so I’d never have to shave again.</span><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">By the way, I really do buy expensive razors on account of I’m worth it. However, I use them approximately 23 more times than Bic’s recommendation and I cut myself every time—just like last night. I had to wait twenty minutes to stop bleeding before I got dressed for bunco so I wouldn’t mess up my new Mossimo faux raccoon fur vest. (A virtual Fountain of Youth itself). </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, I quickly found out that my budget only permitted me to laser half my chin, which was unacceptable. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, then I turned my attention to a plethora of cosmetic miracle cures.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR5ifz7ZE1ePWPexWz9ZeDvUN4G7hgYSu3vCQbnWqe_kzK1ynjRrpQ7Kl5LdVXmliytlH0FUtrSeVQVEv6VPZgqLJ_HIITDDzLUcMV7n-pBIdsjo6JEbNxONfObk5U9bs6C8lZteaHhgYN/s1600/vintage-beauty-vanity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR5ifz7ZE1ePWPexWz9ZeDvUN4G7hgYSu3vCQbnWqe_kzK1ynjRrpQ7Kl5LdVXmliytlH0FUtrSeVQVEv6VPZgqLJ_HIITDDzLUcMV7n-pBIdsjo6JEbNxONfObk5U9bs6C8lZteaHhgYN/s320/vintage-beauty-vanity.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=_O85K9UzDvIfBM&tbnid=kcF-03GX8d1uWM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.styleite.com%2Fbeauty%2Fmakeup-statistics-2013%2F&ei=W63BUoe8D6T4yQHm8YGQDA&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNE-uyWimmae_Vm8rtWWD9FLe0zMJw&ust=1388510905905396">www.styleite.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">First, I researched “BerryActif” a product containing raspberry plant stem-cell technology with 300,000 raspberry stem-cells in every jar. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">After four weeks’ use, 83% of panelists* using the anti-aging cream showed improvement but had to set their thermostats below 58 degrees to prevent becoming moldy at room temperature.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next, “Fifty Shades of Clay” Cosmetics boasts a potion called Accelerated Retinol Serum. Why would I want the Regular Serum? More is better! I mean, this is still America last time I checked. I could teach those Marketing guys, with their framed Latin cosmetology diplomas just like Charlene’s down at the Glamour Nails, a thing or two about selling stuff. Where did they go to college anyway? LSU? (Woo hoo! Ole Miss fan.) </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, the cream claims to reduce wrinkles and revive bounce. But I don’t need more bounce. Lately when I walk in high heels, the skin on my cheeks vibrates, which is quite enough bounce for me. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next I learned “Brassy & Sassy” Cosmetics sells a miracle cream made from the rare purple raspberry variety Lavendéra L’Shawnda. The rare strain was identified in the ruins of Pompeii in 1999 at the foot of Mount Vesuvius. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu7BDUKR0l5JxOk2jLKCmfPBL1ZMNqsL7Ss3L_ydXmGuZEmr_4xxOr3dpI0SlvaNuAvKSrkuXW5PauuF1o3Cb8uthSDToktiNESl_0nCBdHb47C0HJGqPSZ15GwDGn8JBd-ToIkatmtUqb/s1600/Flowers-growing-out-of-the-concrete-photography2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu7BDUKR0l5JxOk2jLKCmfPBL1ZMNqsL7Ss3L_ydXmGuZEmr_4xxOr3dpI0SlvaNuAvKSrkuXW5PauuF1o3Cb8uthSDToktiNESl_0nCBdHb47C0HJGqPSZ15GwDGn8JBd-ToIkatmtUqb/s320/Flowers-growing-out-of-the-concrete-photography2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=9OI2gDB7LKnfsM&tbnid=JlaBLJWPJKkXXM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.asphaltdriveway.net%2Fconcrete-asphalt-flowers%2F&ei=VKXBUu-3GpTlygHzg4CQDQ&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNEFEgT1nB9pyYZbWcTZ5trDcSIwOA&ust=1388508844502232">www.asphaltdriveway.net</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">One lone plant possessed the determination and the immunity to free-radicals to push through the thick layer of hardened lava to photokinetically produce one purple raspberry. The exclusive formula uses a specific strain of rare barnacle growing on that robust raspberry, which is rare. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">The secret behind “Meaningful Beauty” Anti-aging System lies in a remote region in France, named Jean Valjean d’ Cosette where scientists have cultivated an uncommon melon containing a powerful super-antioxidant, that obviously worked on Cindy Crawford, called Super Hydroxide Amino Mylflavanoid (SHAM)—and if you’re the third caller on QVC, they’ll throw in two more tubes. Just pay separate shipping and handling. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Female Baby Boomers are willing to spend their kids’ college funds and sometimes even part of their wine budget to stave off the aging process.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I know one lady who spent $300 on a cream made from cat placentas. Her skin looks great, but she goes bat-crazy when the vacuum cleaner is turned on. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT_1WaLRy5dbyuDOvhpP7q3vHvfpwNXTu0Xifk5laDzo6P6pNN7e-O8THxml0ZzKS2Nc6YfWzEY2JYW1U2lBO0o4MqDnOgSOtJ6pJshkXeR_3W0kUe_xoLhy272aWQfVYRqCNuRi7DN8Le/s1600/cat-jumping-funny-pics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT_1WaLRy5dbyuDOvhpP7q3vHvfpwNXTu0Xifk5laDzo6P6pNN7e-O8THxml0ZzKS2Nc6YfWzEY2JYW1U2lBO0o4MqDnOgSOtJ6pJshkXeR_3W0kUe_xoLhy272aWQfVYRqCNuRi7DN8Le/s320/cat-jumping-funny-pics.jpg" width="314" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=-LYNTmQ243RzuM&tbnid=bO0XOZN1BO_tTM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funclaw.com%2F2013%2F04%2Ffunny-pictures-of-cats-21-pics_13.html&ei=GajBUs73FJO4yAHMqoHQCw&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNFdRA98LhCZevHdNDhuoSCwilRauA&ust=1388509285262426">www.funclaw.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">
*30 random people they found on the internet.</span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-62640442274847456292013-12-08T16:04:00.000-08:002013-12-08T16:04:15.457-08:00Tired of All Those Christmas Brag Letters?<br />
<h1 style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 38px; margin: 5px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
Tired of All Those Christmas Brag Letters?</h1>
<div class="meta" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
<div class="date" style="color: #888888; font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 5px;">
December 7, 2013</div>
By <a href="http://humoroutcasts.com/author/the-frazzled-mom/" rel="author" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" title="Posts by Cathy Cantu">Cathy Cantu</a></div>
<div class="entry" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">
I really admire the families who include letters with their Christmas cards. They send perfect pictures of their well-behaved children in the beautiful places they’ve visited this year.<br />
<div>
</div>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-spacing: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; width: 575px;"><tbody>
<tr style="background-color: #eeeeee; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><td style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9UTyGzH747jyaW8RRBQqP8VonudBsKlsbzXshrB34lyWJsYszpGC9Q5Yb1E7XU12Bw2ndpsPoSsYeXp9fm3QQroI6ze32RhRms3uLJEUdg-4HVrLBODBkPcJWSwGvDZ0ng0iqee6Pfm2B/s1600/Corbis-42-17591051.jpg" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9UTyGzH747jyaW8RRBQqP8VonudBsKlsbzXshrB34lyWJsYszpGC9Q5Yb1E7XU12Bw2ndpsPoSsYeXp9fm3QQroI6ze32RhRms3uLJEUdg-4HVrLBODBkPcJWSwGvDZ0ng0iqee6Pfm2B/s320/Corbis-42-17591051.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: auto; max-width: 576px;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td style="border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=ZJqqf_HFHwkhKM&tbnid=2COU39saIPO2FM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.corbisimages.com%2Fstock-photo%2Frights-managed%2F42-17591051%2Ffamily-sightseeing-in-front-of-eiffel-tower&ei=8KGjUpqKIIu-kQeYqIEI&bvm=bv.57752919,d.eW0&psig=AFQjCNFh6k2fcRCNCsiXC6gvyRhh9ysxLw&ust=1386541847687718" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">www.corbisimages.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
However, I don’t have time for perfect on account of I’m too busy watching Dr. Phil and that medical talk show with all those hot doctors. And I’m always plagued by some important task hanging over my head. It’s too bad I can’t remember what it is.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
And why can’t I go to those beautiful places? Because I’m home editing a five-page paper on why Zeus and Medusa wound up inside the Trojan Horse or some crap like that. The next day I’m scraping burnt french fries off my rusty cookie sheet, and my friend is over there in Italy telling Edwardo, her hot masseuse, “A little more warm oil, please.”</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-spacing: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; width: 575px;"><tbody>
<tr style="background-color: #eeeeee; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><td style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7AaMRa0aC-oEJfJ2QoYks5TCwmZh4XWqIcrbkL-D8YM1INIVZKWsqhBINQK3z6RmYpwk2Yq_XRIsZxBD2J942KrvYBlAAll4vQgMhpq590ZxHHQW_nQJ2zUh66sRkXNF2NwkfVUbjKDGK/s1600/Massage-Therapist-Salt-Lake-City-Utah-1.jpg" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7AaMRa0aC-oEJfJ2QoYks5TCwmZh4XWqIcrbkL-D8YM1INIVZKWsqhBINQK3z6RmYpwk2Yq_XRIsZxBD2J942KrvYBlAAll4vQgMhpq590ZxHHQW_nQJ2zUh66sRkXNF2NwkfVUbjKDGK/s320/Massage-Therapist-Salt-Lake-City-Utah-1.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: auto; max-width: 576px;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td style="border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=LHDolACrcfe0uM&tbnid=6R27Otadfvn7QM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fcommonmedicalquestions.com%2Fcategory%2Fmigraines%2F&ei=aZ2jUvCeGsyNkAeL6IDwBA&bvm=bv.57752919,d.eW0&psig=AFQjCNHR9iYDAKQeT5xAVoy_KqyD134G3g&ust=1386540753232302" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">commonmedicalquestions.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends who send letters. I want to know about their exciting lives. A part of me wants to slip it down the garbage disposal, but the sender may ask me later what I thought about their Alaskan cruise. But a part of me is glad they are thoroughly enjoying their lives.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Why am I jealous sometimes, though? I have everything I want. I have plenty of time to ponder my blessings when I’m driving back at 9 p.m. from a wrestling match an hour away. Thank God I usually remember to buy granola bars for my other two kids for dinner. I also ruminate on my blessings, shivering, at 7 a.m. and again at 7 p.m. at soccer games in a tournament seven hours away. Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed with thankfulness that I want to get on my knees right there on the sideline but my butt is stuck to the bleachers.</div>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-spacing: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; width: 575px;"><tbody>
<tr style="background-color: #eeeeee; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><td style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggrM4-MfKGcVDF7_TUE-VltorcOIKcyj5vYX5VlODSoQ8vEJq1ppC014EXVG9TiKL_wtAxkCSTzzAxxlXTxlv4MhATOOufM_DhUYe_IEg9oudTIxMK1ZjR_RstAhAM_ZZD-3n4qfCk4jgh/s1600/7fa3aa18-1f49-4805-a820-c92c72487e42.jpg" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggrM4-MfKGcVDF7_TUE-VltorcOIKcyj5vYX5VlODSoQ8vEJq1ppC014EXVG9TiKL_wtAxkCSTzzAxxlXTxlv4MhATOOufM_DhUYe_IEg9oudTIxMK1ZjR_RstAhAM_ZZD-3n4qfCk4jgh/s320/7fa3aa18-1f49-4805-a820-c92c72487e42.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: auto; max-width: 576px;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td style="border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=_MHNQMsfcsGJXM&tbnid=_HpOFRsBGHKwHM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fktar.com%2F58%2F1681152%2F2013-Macys-Thanksgiving-Day-Parade&ei=X56jUqbqI8aqkQfjiIGIDA&bvm=bv.57752919,d.eW0&psig=AFQjCNFDG5lkHozHhH8txfQZHXlbMp07fw&ust=1386540936214058" style="color: #205b87; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">ktar.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
But the thing is—there’s no where I’d rather be. I’ll never have these days back, but Turks and Caicos will always be there. I’d rather watch my daughter play point guard for the very first time than visit some Paradise Point. I’d rather see her perfect her rise ball than watch a sunrise in Oahu. And most of all, seeing my daughter’s embarrassment when I volunteer to have her Bible study at my house is priceless.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
One day I might make it to an exotic location, but right now I’m enjoying watching my beautiful children put their home-made (well, school-made) ornaments on our Christmas tree. When I do make it to Italy, I wonder if Edwardo will still be there.</div>
</div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-993096316492759362013-11-16T11:46:00.001-08:002013-11-16T11:46:13.470-08:00In Southern Grocery Stores:I seriously can't resist posting this. I have no words. From a friend, Karen Lochemes . . .<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmVHYEhp2YeqvMeM0UXv546JzMV1gUYGJzVh1xzkvaTfcw0k4QqtfU3zEgD1YuZ5ISNnGT2qf40mI2rxDao5jVI-wLbSAvcIY4yYS4GR86zMpmbbLMbBe38zdIqTEQr38AHGnYnhXGSBcS/s1600/1454809_10201942263053412_229906064_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmVHYEhp2YeqvMeM0UXv546JzMV1gUYGJzVh1xzkvaTfcw0k4QqtfU3zEgD1YuZ5ISNnGT2qf40mI2rxDao5jVI-wLbSAvcIY4yYS4GR86zMpmbbLMbBe38zdIqTEQr38AHGnYnhXGSBcS/s320/1454809_10201942263053412_229906064_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-12937456963765475792013-11-08T08:49:00.001-08:002013-11-08T09:48:23.110-08:00Serious Disorder Leads to Wearing a Coconut Bra<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Serious Disorder Leads to Wearing a Coconut Bra</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I was a room mom extraordinaire.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">For Halloween, other moms brought cupcakes with a Milano-cookie tombstone sticking out of the top. Pu-leeeze. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I brought a masterpiece with a lighted skull and glowing skeleton hands and feet that are supposed to stick up out of the ground, as if the fiend was clamoring up from the netherworld, except my skeleton was clamoring up out of a 48” x 48” cake grave. Everyone raved about how did I do that and lots of stuff about how great I was. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmhW-hniUpepcrotNqn59UfJ5_JVHyn47cc0aGEPyWP_M79f8Y6vRBcpib03WZkc_jeBc_SqrpmC3bl9JhXMh31jUnJXQa2wXQt-n71UEbjKZ_NKhB9KXVhd7D3i6K8jiraNdwxM_QI69F/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmhW-hniUpepcrotNqn59UfJ5_JVHyn47cc0aGEPyWP_M79f8Y6vRBcpib03WZkc_jeBc_SqrpmC3bl9JhXMh31jUnJXQa2wXQt-n71UEbjKZ_NKhB9KXVhd7D3i6K8jiraNdwxM_QI69F/s320/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My all-or-nothing obsession began years ago when I was asked to create a centerpiece for the cookies-and-punch table at a school spring program. What an opportunity to show all the moms my insecurity, um . . . creative talent! </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">No sweet vase of crocuses for me. Somehow I stumbled across a huge furry Bugs Bunny head that begged to be tablescaped. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My husband took over the household and child-rearing duties while I labored for weeks to make that head look like it was popping out of a grapevine rabbit hole. I was like Evan Almighty building the ark, except with only one animal, and a lot less hairy. Did I say this was a singing program for THREE. YEAR. OLDS?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw3W8ipQZD2yHMhICf4FxfwXd1WiltUKyJZ2QgnDgvgbNcZikKaa0GFsl2VhZKP3a-phNu0cQyv5fNr6XQk1EJWLEhfyB3sNOljVGOpcIf-PU1kTxxBmhECJtzgMzCiDB91_zIwUi-WypR/s1600/IMG_6230.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw3W8ipQZD2yHMhICf4FxfwXd1WiltUKyJZ2QgnDgvgbNcZikKaa0GFsl2VhZKP3a-phNu0cQyv5fNr6XQk1EJWLEhfyB3sNOljVGOpcIf-PU1kTxxBmhECJtzgMzCiDB91_zIwUi-WypR/s320/IMG_6230.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, it's true</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Years later, I officially passed the punch ladle to others, and I never decorated for one freaking function again.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">But lately my guilt over pretending I was always out of town on Scarecrow Day got the best of me. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Recently, while frantically delivering forgotten homework, I sprinted down the school hallway in my Tweety Bird t-shirt and sweatpants to avoid the gift wrap Nazi. Just as I realized I’d left the house without a bra, the perky mom of the Senior Class suddenly appeared from behind a plant like Beetlejuice in Lilly Pulitzer.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUsQL7o76OkUDGl8Zp6pUAJDIZrthK7n2NX4lYJkA9wM-oii-E3J8gz-__mqqB0uGpz60obVRGsKwaGdkG43Bgkf47iuSD5aj4lPSKyk5fvQDahV-1sOU6LU5txsj7V9ow1nuueXnX3LQ/s1600/040713_pulitzer_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUsQL7o76OkUDGl8Zp6pUAJDIZrthK7n2NX4lYJkA9wM-oii-E3J8gz-__mqqB0uGpz60obVRGsKwaGdkG43Bgkf47iuSD5aj4lPSKyk5fvQDahV-1sOU6LU5txsj7V9ow1nuueXnX3LQ/s320/040713_pulitzer_600.jpg" width="181" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/style/Lily-Pulitzer-has-died.html</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Cath, since every other mom has worked 12 shifts in the library and you . . . haven’t, will you decorate for the Senior Luau? Thanks!”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“I’m sorry Deena Fay, I have a disorder,” I admitted.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Nothing that a good plastic surgeon couldn’t fix,” she replied, staring at my chest.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“I am a craftaholic,” I said, ashamed. When I fall off the wagon, my family doesn’t see me for long stretches of time.” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Like once, I went out for poster board, and weeks later they found me stowed away on a Disney Cruise, sitting in a corner by the Little Mermaid ice sculpture folding towels into animal shapes. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoIZCPqhskYjlfhI4ekG5DGv_7_Y4h4Y4XDhqyBz8ZGuJUW37Ea1LuyUhnl7HpAQsnztvkJg0R9TtZMe8UA2o1NMvtW-dbEBxv6FS0Am-lgNnwEC-TGgAZqUR7b8dsFmM7bX7IktuknNp_/s1600/r-HOTEL-TOWELS-ART-PHOTOS-large570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoIZCPqhskYjlfhI4ekG5DGv_7_Y4h4Y4XDhqyBz8ZGuJUW37Ea1LuyUhnl7HpAQsnztvkJg0R9TtZMe8UA2o1NMvtW-dbEBxv6FS0Am-lgNnwEC-TGgAZqUR7b8dsFmM7bX7IktuknNp_/s400/r-HOTEL-TOWELS-ART-PHOTOS-large570.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">huffingtonpost.ca</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“You’ll have PLENTY of help,” said Deena Fay not listening, sort of like my kids. “Like Charlene!”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“<i>Charlene couldn’t even shine my shoes</i>,” I thought smugly. “<i>However</i>, <i>she could fetch me my lattés.”</i></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I wavered. Visions of colorful tissue paper flowers and a tropical photo backdrop twisted me into Jekyll and Hyde dancing the Hula and serving up Pu-pu platters.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ahMMfuvce-Naq1EBU5wFda-PSdx6AnBwRtmeiC0rGX4kbE41BXYLQzxKMkydmF4eoaab3wiMfStk5LXXpr4liTiRxAl4Hj04xQq15oOkgKJ8bQ5EGJyWVbaOGTQtGUl0yiA3By6TymjC/s1600/IMG_5247.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ahMMfuvce-Naq1EBU5wFda-PSdx6AnBwRtmeiC0rGX4kbE41BXYLQzxKMkydmF4eoaab3wiMfStk5LXXpr4liTiRxAl4Hj04xQq15oOkgKJ8bQ5EGJyWVbaOGTQtGUl0yiA3By6TymjC/s400/IMG_5247.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, I was in charge of decorations at the senior luau</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Suddenly, Deena Fay spun around and caught Charlene, herself, by the arm.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“I’ve been looking for you!” said Deena Fay. “Could you decorate for the Senior Luau? I asked Cathy, but she’s sick,” she said with her back to me and making circular motions with her finger at her temple.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Whatever. Their loss. I hope Charlene’s cheap blow-up pink flamingos look precious. But maybe it’s best. I’d probably blow my daughter’s college fund flying in fire-stick jugglers walking on hot coals—before Charlene could even shine my shoes.</span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-38389154410308351012013-10-21T12:03:00.001-07:002013-10-21T12:03:35.132-07:00Geeks Unite! My Life at the Loser Lunch Table<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Geeks Unite!: My Life at The Loser Lunch Table</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Some of you kids may have had anxiety about school starting. Maybe you hate math. Maybe you’re not a fashionista. Maybe you resent that you didn’t get picked Homecoming queen because a little snit named Amber Dawn told everyone she heard that on dates, you were so scared of “the kiss” you needed a pair of “starting blocks” for your 100-yard sprint to the front door. You know, theoretically.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe you’re just a nerd like I was. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMLCGSKtblVZVzYWklBma9HxvnfpI29kUjZEOX3BO5F-XRMbHYjpm48vlhbWbGZV8xLYg46wiYFf6Eq9utuKJp1fqtRO6LzfBTvrgZpwpUmyeaU9JFD9Usqg9X3Zg_c2W8FrNbvoxBohRG/s1600/Nerds-ElizabethHasselbeck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMLCGSKtblVZVzYWklBma9HxvnfpI29kUjZEOX3BO5F-XRMbHYjpm48vlhbWbGZV8xLYg46wiYFf6Eq9utuKJp1fqtRO6LzfBTvrgZpwpUmyeaU9JFD9Usqg9X3Zg_c2W8FrNbvoxBohRG/s320/Nerds-ElizabethHasselbeck.jpg" width="237" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sandiegojack.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I had Full Metal Jacket braces with big silver bands around each tooth and long, scraggly hair parted down the middle with bangs that were always growing out. And even now, I wonder why my parents let me get wire-rim glasses that darkened to a weird gray color in the sun. Sorry, Ma, but maybe the dork doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Word.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I read the Hobbit and Narnia series before they were semi-cool movies, as well as Star Trek books, which were never cool. And I had a crush on William Shatner in his skinny Star Fleet pants. He was swagadelic way back when Johnny Depp was just a tot running with his little scissorhands and learning his girlie pirate flourishes. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">My parents noticed I was on the geeky side so we had a meeting.</span><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Honey, we know you want to fit in . . . ,” they began. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next, they could’ve suggested something normal like, “Why don’t you meet with Christy and smoke a few Marlboros behind the gym?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">No, <i>MY</i> parents said, “Why don’t you join a bowling league?” </span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAdZTfcX0n753Wznj9rPJEUGbEmnLn-7c7l_vN1G-M4uUG6aRcEwByLMtgjOyjLp9Z3kuMVNk0hoqaDzQFVNXQHVJKSg-jRnWWbmyujbCKWIR7VgPJubfKhycGpCYkX7g22FZK6TLRBn_t/s1600/health-fitness_05_0_temp-1374059651-51e67c83-620x348.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAdZTfcX0n753Wznj9rPJEUGbEmnLn-7c7l_vN1G-M4uUG6aRcEwByLMtgjOyjLp9Z3kuMVNk0hoqaDzQFVNXQHVJKSg-jRnWWbmyujbCKWIR7VgPJubfKhycGpCYkX7g22FZK6TLRBn_t/s320/health-fitness_05_0_temp-1374059651-51e67c83-620x348.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">timesofmalta.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">That totally scored me a prime seat at the lunch table—with the hopelessly geeky Fantasy World of Warcraft society.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr3W5uhllNudfs4o3aqN5744R-hfZeQNEEbgh_xA6IRrUsoLncg8Z1_lynGOLcBO8A6KrfjDUR7GtwGCSI7az_0zu6f5ftlRtBQoUU_C3Dl0Tf727ZjWIht4A_XAQ4qjUVPNtH6FVIxZo2/s1600/fngimage7_jpg_627x1000_q85.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr3W5uhllNudfs4o3aqN5744R-hfZeQNEEbgh_xA6IRrUsoLncg8Z1_lynGOLcBO8A6KrfjDUR7GtwGCSI7az_0zu6f5ftlRtBQoUU_C3Dl0Tf727ZjWIht4A_XAQ4qjUVPNtH6FVIxZo2/s400/fngimage7_jpg_627x1000_q85.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">avclub.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">So I joined the bowling league and brought my new geek friend, the Grand Supreme Orc Warlord with me. And I took bowling very seriously, since you ask. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqwDLnL_7XC1VqygG2YlHhTjJ5vkL0kvXcTzc9BYhlCfITcQK8zJTpMJvo2GNrxW3PgeWzLCN2AclzctosBRSA5ZepUUQQ3GGifBAXNi7_rBw3-NXdebNEyagIlpRDSR0Op7UepagGlCng/s1600/nerd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqwDLnL_7XC1VqygG2YlHhTjJ5vkL0kvXcTzc9BYhlCfITcQK8zJTpMJvo2GNrxW3PgeWzLCN2AclzctosBRSA5ZepUUQQ3GGifBAXNi7_rBw3-NXdebNEyagIlpRDSR0Op7UepagGlCng/s320/nerd.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=amYSXPjgzNFNCM&tbnid=FKzzIScpCtfLcM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.doctissimo.fr%2Fpsychologie%2Fjalousie%2Fjalouses-filles-topic-sujet_144036_387.htm&ei=R3RlUrfAHYia9gSBqoCAAQ&bvm=bv.55139894,d.eWU&psig=AFQjCNG6qcgt-W8ihWi_mYcwN2RfkZOiBA&ust=1382466658469009">forum.doctissimo.fr</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once Christy asked me over, and I stated, “No, I’m going to work on my hook ball because lately my curve hasn’t been high and tight.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Her eyes spoke volumes, as if I were Mork and she were, well . . . anyone.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Finally, after seventh grade, my latent cool gene engaged, or maybe I just developed a couple of decent curve balls. Go figure. Maybe the long summers envelop a girl in a cocoon of baby oil, iodine, and White Rain hairspray, and what emerges is a sunburned redneck in daisy dukes who can thoroughly beat her boyfriend’s butt at bowling.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I believe we all agree bowling is a metaphor for life. Sometimes you don’t need finesse. You can just throw it hard and get a strike. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">You don’t have to be perfect with a 300 game. Then people expect it all the time.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And you can start off stinking pretty bad, but wind up with the high score.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">There will always be 300-games and fashionistas. But we geeks are a band of brothers you can count on to help you endure the Amber Dawns and loser lunch tables. Brothers who, through ironic twists of fate, have now become the Mean Girls’ nerdy, well-paid </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">bosses</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">. L</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">ike</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> my geeky, old bowling buddy, Vestis Millennial—Fantasy World of Warcraft’s Grand Supreme Orc Warlord. To his big-shot business buddies, he’s just Bill. Bill Gates.</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirn8D1V6f2bZIq0liRjB-C5fehEE0sZhq6x3Rt7a6XdbfeTH-mlH3RzahNZtBcLv9vseITJWCUclPutRTTumwVQPZvVQ3VaRdPZ-YNEsPB6ruqf-qwUGSA35zV8Noutrt8DLRz34q_Kqc4/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirn8D1V6f2bZIq0liRjB-C5fehEE0sZhq6x3Rt7a6XdbfeTH-mlH3RzahNZtBcLv9vseITJWCUclPutRTTumwVQPZvVQ3VaRdPZ-YNEsPB6ruqf-qwUGSA35zV8Noutrt8DLRz34q_Kqc4/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">topics.time.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-89755209322190885162013-10-07T08:06:00.000-07:002013-10-07T08:06:37.141-07:00Siri's Programming Geeks Should Avoid Cuervo<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Siri’s Programming Geeks Should Avoid Cuervo</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I’m using Siri more, the personal assistant on my iPhone. Somehow the geek programmers, who think the consummate prank is replacing bathroom soap with hand sanitizer, were able to infuse her with a sharp sense of humor. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVYIrGv123BYMo3AGbUhFGoC5vNUgU7SA7IHwj_nQR7jz1S_-uCibcWCLRSiQQlzeqaZ1zEI_7CVUo-XYEnZ93obRbJ_rz-rdqPJNsAklUDw-f0_k4u4y0hpjMuRmQM_OnrTQK3-Xicmwm/s1600/uHW16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVYIrGv123BYMo3AGbUhFGoC5vNUgU7SA7IHwj_nQR7jz1S_-uCibcWCLRSiQQlzeqaZ1zEI_7CVUo-XYEnZ93obRbJ_rz-rdqPJNsAklUDw-f0_k4u4y0hpjMuRmQM_OnrTQK3-Xicmwm/s320/uHW16.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://mashable.com/2013/05/25/geek-pride-day/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>How? I imagine Apple’s Marketing department attempted to boost sales by jumpstarting the creativity of the geeks in Development. They probably spiked the office water cooler the day all the Sheldons (The Big Bang Theory) developed Siri’s jocularity gene because her personality exudes subtle shades of José Cuervo.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizY-a5RlKQjA-B9O93v9p9NvU_IoKCn8qUjLLH7o-3m2cms9DyHi4mzfXfU300htljso5KyqXYShQI0n_90gwLCVHfpXv41PYOQYIEbx0UaHSG9_kfhRrhJGX8boncDhVB0crRRhtsTmtr/s1600/11(2).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizY-a5RlKQjA-B9O93v9p9NvU_IoKCn8qUjLLH7o-3m2cms9DyHi4mzfXfU300htljso5KyqXYShQI0n_90gwLCVHfpXv41PYOQYIEbx0UaHSG9_kfhRrhJGX8boncDhVB0crRRhtsTmtr/s320/11(2).jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">azoft.com<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxx6CAQ83LUCDr_LL9P3ih1blLZU_2XBejWZklYLF6pwh2ZEBGjLitURi2nQAggkQSzYxZojN0ziuuhYccNksMzKjl6o14QW5Fd-HDxp3APQ87-Tkrv-MteIl3aC_2Dpk6JAfSqmV6xFag/s1600/DWG2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxx6CAQ83LUCDr_LL9P3ih1blLZU_2XBejWZklYLF6pwh2ZEBGjLitURi2nQAggkQSzYxZojN0ziuuhYccNksMzKjl6o14QW5Fd-HDxp3APQ87-Tkrv-MteIl3aC_2Dpk6JAfSqmV6xFag/s320/DWG2.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://tinlizardproductions.com/2012/07/12/drinkvergence/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I visualize the smug geniuses, lounging with their happy juice, thoughtfully stroking the peach fuzz on their chins because they’re not old enough to shave, programming clever responses to questions we mental midgets might ask Siri.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidbOc3dfAOLMPyJpCB13YD2aAZINms56LDPvUYVbB1IglQe1qjMVWixTmyYxlwAmM9RrvIevGGQLxLzklPnSzw4DRMuCDRDa5oImggW4b1d5UogtFmauTGsziMkK7E50r-Ubv9uEoZvQeW/s1600/2012-11-05-Barrio-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidbOc3dfAOLMPyJpCB13YD2aAZINms56LDPvUYVbB1IglQe1qjMVWixTmyYxlwAmM9RrvIevGGQLxLzklPnSzw4DRMuCDRDa5oImggW4b1d5UogtFmauTGsziMkK7E50r-Ubv9uEoZvQeW/s320/2012-11-05-Barrio-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">geekswhodrink.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Their first Focus Group Session with regular people probably started out harmless enough.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Someone addressed Siri, “Beam me up Scotty.” And Siri answered, “I’m afraid I have to see your badge first.” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But as the session continued, some Cuervo creeped into Siri’s responses. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Here are the ones Marketing had to nix:</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Focus Group Participant: “Is ‘neurode’ a real word?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Delving into physics? Oh I forgot. It’s 3:00. Time for Words With Friends.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Do you like me?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Should you need a slightly indifferent, indentured companion, I stand ready.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Clinton was the most honorable and effective president in history.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Perhaps you’d like to invest in my Leprechauns and Gold at the End of the Rainbow dotcom opportunity.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Suggest a book that will challenge me.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “What should I do this weekend?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: How about an “America’s Funniest Home Videos” marathon? Learn how the laws of physics apply when a man teaches his offspring the finer points of a baseball swing, demonstrating how mass plus velocity equals kinetic energy which is transferred from a wooden object’s center of percussion to the father’s . . . what’s the clinical term? Family jewels. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYI_MNaQCQF9vwDF4JV0cOe4JiZph4Og3gwNmPZ44Nrsm_GCQ1tzq01lKSYh_b4funuM77ltFYUOMBOvZ9Ud2cN8cdCEJSBmONFGIuYIIr-aSBLC9hbjLTgpsLmUXzgrNNn_gLoVDslE6J/s1600/AFV_Groin_Shot_still.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYI_MNaQCQF9vwDF4JV0cOe4JiZph4Og3gwNmPZ44Nrsm_GCQ1tzq01lKSYh_b4funuM77ltFYUOMBOvZ9Ud2cN8cdCEJSBmONFGIuYIIr-aSBLC9hbjLTgpsLmUXzgrNNn_gLoVDslE6J/s320/AFV_Groin_Shot_still.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">America's Funniest Home Videos</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Is the atomic bomb a result of fusion or fission?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: I’d explain it to you but I didn’t bring any crayons.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Is there really something called the “flux capacitor” that Doc Brown used to take Marty McFly back in time?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Don’t be a yammering sphincter. KMN (kill me now)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Why is this email in my spam folder?” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: I put it there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat surfing, entitled, “Must See.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “What is Mr. Clean Magic Eraser made of?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Unicorn hair.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: “What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand? . . . . Get it?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Someone hacked my Angry Birds account! Call the police!” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Why? Did the FBI hang up on you?</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “My wife is pregnant, but I’ve been overseas. How could this happen?”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: I’d like to match wits with you, but I see you’re unarmed.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “Has Obama spent more than any U.S. president?” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Was the mankini a mistake?</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And Marketing quickly rejected a proposed Siri response for phones sold in the South.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNe_WSIGIsUM_EzEpAWSjt944bOXqVeWzXcqJUg9MKqJ8sUyg6PCJQM-EQtwwV_Puo3YvMkOZd_2gAchzYo8ZtYRaRFHiLWRyzqKxuUs0DSEVVACMs2RwfNhQSTpG_o_-ZlC4JZmMgLmGj/s1600/redneck-toilet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNe_WSIGIsUM_EzEpAWSjt944bOXqVeWzXcqJUg9MKqJ8sUyg6PCJQM-EQtwwV_Puo3YvMkOZd_2gAchzYo8ZtYRaRFHiLWRyzqKxuUs0DSEVVACMs2RwfNhQSTpG_o_-ZlC4JZmMgLmGj/s320/redneck-toilet.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">scrapetv.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">FGP: “I’m upset because I did the Devil’s Dance with my third cousin!!”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Siri: Then stop counting.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-38337042878894369832013-09-29T14:58:00.001-07:002016-09-16T11:13:37.745-07:00Southern Girls: "Laura Ashley" With a Little "Texas Pete"<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Southern Girls: “Laura Ashley” With a Little “Texas Pete”</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">When my girls were little, they carried a stuffed animal everywhere. I guess it made them feel secure to hold something from home. Later they brought along Build-a-Bears to sleep-away camps. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Likewise, when a girl goes away to college, she takes all her belongings (including fifteen new Lilly Pulitzer sundresses for game day at the Grove) with her because she must recreate in her dorm the same cozy environment in which she did not study at home. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOoD9tJv_4ZRCpDmQTKM9hwb1MilDsX0TWJSW3XIXDvBy4D9oQFXwbSqH7KY6XUtbF6VF73NNllcmp_1OOBDDikNSzjgVzdnnVlHg-Rz5S-MWM7vy0neqfdT707_K2hEI-IoX1CYrcwGnL/s1600/SORORITY-GIRLS-MAIN_1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOoD9tJv_4ZRCpDmQTKM9hwb1MilDsX0TWJSW3XIXDvBy4D9oQFXwbSqH7KY6XUtbF6VF73NNllcmp_1OOBDDikNSzjgVzdnnVlHg-Rz5S-MWM7vy0neqfdT707_K2hEI-IoX1CYrcwGnL/s400/SORORITY-GIRLS-MAIN_1.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">stephenbonanno.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">First, she and her roommate must meticulously plan a color scheme during the summer on Twitter and Instagram. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">They’ll send each other Laura Ashley fabric samples and coordinate polkadot dust ruffles, drapes, and area rugs to pull their project together.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then there’s Monogramming. Everything. Gabby Lee’s mama must purchase a monogrammed duvet, headboard, and a slipcover for GL’s desk chair at Ole Miss because that’s just what Southerners DO. Now if she went to college in the North, . . . bwaaahaha, I kill me! </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFOcWOLO0KmUoj8LQX8026msLzhs-i9gZh3mRYgX1h1EfZVZU-nuUfDWaZoYK9DoViPgtC0Vf5tG5RkmNY67MUcwLiSahdWEXJEjYBxgBp4UxJg9iimdLOKBlP8RjIMhq-BU-w_uRwRbJh/s1600/Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFOcWOLO0KmUoj8LQX8026msLzhs-i9gZh3mRYgX1h1EfZVZU-nuUfDWaZoYK9DoViPgtC0Vf5tG5RkmNY67MUcwLiSahdWEXJEjYBxgBp4UxJg9iimdLOKBlP8RjIMhq-BU-w_uRwRbJh/s400/Image.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">To make the boudoir complete (BTW - we Southern girls like to say “boo-dwaahh” because it makes people think we hail from somewhere exotic, like the French Quarter), GL will create a corner “reading” nook. A velvet loveseat, surrounded by softly draped charmeuse hanging from the ceiling and a string of white lights casting a soft glow on her spray tan. A quiet place for “courting” because a Southern girl can’t sit on her bed with a boy ‘cause mama WILL find out. It’s a studious retreat in case a Sigma Chi wants to come over and get . . . tutored.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNAT9Tkpd0nWWt5JvKQeRQslVr8otW_93WvKd943jkz-G-1cWoYx7BH5Fd0Jx6NvQl-c4mPDO6PW1c3REhSFR7zPhMhL8gmk5iiq6GeSIjhmsZEZIUU7FOroABQPp_UsQ8uJlpFhUPOuQs/s1600/98a240d0e2de53122e9efd512fac6174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNAT9Tkpd0nWWt5JvKQeRQslVr8otW_93WvKd943jkz-G-1cWoYx7BH5Fd0Jx6NvQl-c4mPDO6PW1c3REhSFR7zPhMhL8gmk5iiq6GeSIjhmsZEZIUU7FOroABQPp_UsQ8uJlpFhUPOuQs/s400/98a240d0e2de53122e9efd512fac6174.jpg" width="260" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pinterest.com Bella Rivera</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">For inspiration, she’ll have a Motivation Wall with a poster of a fluffy kitty proclaiming, “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle!” She can see it every morning when she wakes up and peeks from under her bed tent of tulle and sweet rosebuds.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Getting practical, mama will make sure she has shower shoes, and a monogrammed shower caddy, bath towels and bath robe so she’ll never have to walk to the shower in her coed dorm wearing just her monogrammed boxer shorts and skin tight tank top, showing, “Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, WHO knows what?” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiMl6Qx4stti6LibS6FF7PKnLAopZgw8zuAntFN4Mej6ARyJj0HLQY22_V3MRIKSegGWP0tJMlcyzbWJxcdLKd97QVxXDfDhjOuIF3Ojy0oyfJd4qe04GIeaw2reP9ejUjEHuxXnpqvIKt/s1600/Tri-Delta-Recruitment-dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiMl6Qx4stti6LibS6FF7PKnLAopZgw8zuAntFN4Mej6ARyJj0HLQY22_V3MRIKSegGWP0tJMlcyzbWJxcdLKd97QVxXDfDhjOuIF3Ojy0oyfJd4qe04GIeaw2reP9ejUjEHuxXnpqvIKt/s320/Tri-Delta-Recruitment-dress.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">gamedayandsororitydresses.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Over her desk, she’ll have a bulletin board covered in a sweet Vera Bradley “Va Va Bloom” pattern that matches her flat iron pouch. It will display pics of her sorority sisters giving air kisses and a plethora of boll weevil pins, or whatever their freakin‘ mascot is. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbqBrLTsUGoiXGpPW8_QT9IGva5qTMVSoTDYx_ACppUwgydq_UGRRMQSAQGGP8iEaehZFYBNvZEqAG7_kCdi7b4WxHweVjKu5fK-MaesVwaa6yrsp5x9DH3qiF-DFy2cyVRcAHyDXSC9NG/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbqBrLTsUGoiXGpPW8_QT9IGva5qTMVSoTDYx_ACppUwgydq_UGRRMQSAQGGP8iEaehZFYBNvZEqAG7_kCdi7b4WxHweVjKu5fK-MaesVwaa6yrsp5x9DH3qiF-DFy2cyVRcAHyDXSC9NG/s400/images.jpeg" width="310" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">marcyrankin.blogspot.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">After mama pulls safely out of Oxford and out of sight, GL will take down the fluffy kitty poster. Her Motivation Wall will then display a 30” x 60” poster of a six-pack of Abercrombie and Fitch Lust, wearing a cowboy hat, boots and . . . a grin, with an inspirational message, “If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go <i>get busy</i>.” Signed, “Love Pete.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxa0t8WU85BOzmcX0skKo4c1Nu6XEVHvnpimaSXfB832Uk6YTu0zM66ohVHr-sTpA1hR_ZVw1P1dn7hdm3bOb8y_QFr1s0aX95kmATgWSyqC6Z4_1amBJAG4gIgWgA4QLrfeaZjLJKn2MQ/s1600/201400003246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxa0t8WU85BOzmcX0skKo4c1Nu6XEVHvnpimaSXfB832Uk6YTu0zM66ohVHr-sTpA1hR_ZVw1P1dn7hdm3bOb8y_QFr1s0aX95kmATgWSyqC6Z4_1amBJAG4gIgWgA4QLrfeaZjLJKn2MQ/s320/201400003246.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>GET BUSY. . . . . . . LOVE, PETE</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><br /></b></span>
http://www.calendars.com/Studs-N-Spurs-2014-Wall-Calendar/prod201400003246/?categoryId=cat00170&cm_vc=PDPZ1&navCount=1&related=PDPZ1</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
(OK, YEAH..... I <b>DID</b> ENJOY LOOKING FOR THIS PICTURE. SUE ME)<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Really, her mama can’t blame her. Because she feels food is a metaphor for life, her mama’s philosophy is simple. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Always own a deviled egg platter ‘cuz you never know when there’s gonna be a funeral. And when you cook baked beans, stir in a heap of brown sugar, and to fire it up . . . add an extra-hot dose of Texas Pete.</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-20220387219218058952013-08-27T10:03:00.002-07:002013-08-27T10:03:10.925-07:00"My Summer Reading Essay" by: a high school student who didn't read the book<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“My Summer Reading Essay” by: </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">(a high school student who didn’t read the book)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Describe in 200 words what you learned about Ernest Hemingway by reading <i>The Sun Also Rises.</i></span></span></li>
</ol>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></i>The author of <i>The Sun Also Rises</i> is Ernest Hemingway, who is a very famous author. I do not know much about Hemingway, but my sister is a big fan of the “classics,” however I am not at all. I am more into Judy Moody books because I have a lot of individuality and attitude, and she doesn’t. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We have had to read many other books written by the famous Hemingway for summer reading in the past. There is also a restaurant named after him in Destin, Florida which serves splendid snapper in a “Hemingway” sauce, which probably contains alcohol because I imagine that Hemingway has an alcohol problem, which is basically the vibe that I get from most authors; that they are alcoholics. I am all for people doing what they want to do, but they can hurt someone else and they are slowly ruining their lives. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3m2stCfSZVy1G2n2Of20p-HXDLB9ZP4kEDPfFxlJomAHnWJ6vKbiDqp93gJWellHUTVg9_LVKjENRc5EzOZYtIkjnPgXgbZTDjf9Fkwxd7DynYUNDXKKSrRkGQDVlM8uhh5ywF57s1mt/s1600/425528.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3m2stCfSZVy1G2n2Of20p-HXDLB9ZP4kEDPfFxlJomAHnWJ6vKbiDqp93gJWellHUTVg9_LVKjENRc5EzOZYtIkjnPgXgbZTDjf9Fkwxd7DynYUNDXKKSrRkGQDVlM8uhh5ywF57s1mt/s320/425528.jpeg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">independent.co.uk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Because Hemingway is a classic author, I imagine him to have an extensive vocabulary. Because I am good at peering into the souls of people, I also imagine him to be a little bit bitter because of all the alcohol he has been consuming. And because he was not as famous as his drinking buddy, the guy who wrote <i>The Great Gatsby.</i> </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihxBk1hg-Ngg8_yc6Mk2b1_cNvW3g0AOVPf1xw3g-BivwJPrJYACmv813wRiPTHAIWMSjUSBMkOet7wl5wGJfuOM5u4c4Ty6Uyb0HasE4bJwNIqd9enknMV3vJ55ezbefTMf_yOcWDCrQO/s1600/628x471.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihxBk1hg-Ngg8_yc6Mk2b1_cNvW3g0AOVPf1xw3g-BivwJPrJYACmv813wRiPTHAIWMSjUSBMkOet7wl5wGJfuOM5u4c4Ty6Uyb0HasE4bJwNIqd9enknMV3vJ55ezbefTMf_yOcWDCrQO/s320/628x471.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">timesunion.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> In summary, even though he was a bitter alcoholic, it goes without saying that he had periods of lucidity in which he was able to write famous pieces of work. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> 2. Describe the book’s intended audience.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I think the book’s intended audience was definitely college-level or adults. I think this because this book was obviously written by an author with an extensive vocabulary and a vast muse. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>This book was not meant for high school students because it requires a deeper level of understanding.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The funny thing about Hemingway is that some high school students are very intelligent and can actually understand his work, but not every high school student is like that. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Teachers think that students will really try to dig deep and understand what is going on in these stories, but in reality, students give up because it is frustrating to read page after page of words that make no sense to you. </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohAbwDpLo3ZMb3_eXbj4O-SOez-n8eFG9xevOidRcyVZJo5Dn_Q9CmeNB_JXc8WC_kfoq_QH3sXNuIKk02O6AfP4cB5g6uzEdnZ-eCu_m-iGgi8Uv7gSj7CHmSeorv61IypnLFPhDtboq/s1600/teenager-frustrated-not-reading-at-desk-with-books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohAbwDpLo3ZMb3_eXbj4O-SOez-n8eFG9xevOidRcyVZJo5Dn_Q9CmeNB_JXc8WC_kfoq_QH3sXNuIKk02O6AfP4cB5g6uzEdnZ-eCu_m-iGgi8Uv7gSj7CHmSeorv61IypnLFPhDtboq/s1600/teenager-frustrated-not-reading-at-desk-with-books.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">gemmlearning.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> The average high schoolers brain is deluded by alcohol and drugs anyway, so it makes it that much harder to understand the point Hemingway is trying to make. Well, I would not actually know if alcohol and drugs make it harder to understand, but I would imagine it would. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> Actually, since Hemingway was an avid drinker, maybe drinking would actually make it easier to understand what his writing meant, since he was drunk when he wrote most of it. I may have to try out my theory someday when I am able to drink alcohol. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqmg67CTf0U7BcXQch7ZzY-QFwf-1R8PQjPyEhD9kBrDme2t27ZFs5FcY9Cq-I1T0nLTsMk9J9BgsrRHCugMA7Tu6CvS1RvDVvgXz01EvHBH4RaNHEo9i5Rktxv-O-bfCxi-7TuGCHHUlR/s1600/ernest-hemingway-drinks-wine-and-coffee-everett.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqmg67CTf0U7BcXQch7ZzY-QFwf-1R8PQjPyEhD9kBrDme2t27ZFs5FcY9Cq-I1T0nLTsMk9J9BgsrRHCugMA7Tu6CvS1RvDVvgXz01EvHBH4RaNHEo9i5Rktxv-O-bfCxi-7TuGCHHUlR/s320/ernest-hemingway-drinks-wine-and-coffee-everett.jpg" width="289" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fineartamerica.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>In summary, I learned that I am glad Hemingway was alive because if he wasn't, we wouldn't have the nice restaurant in Destin that he created. I also learned that I did not like this book and not to bullfight since it is very dangerous, especially if you’ve been drinking.</span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-75287757713000163292013-08-02T16:27:00.000-07:002016-05-17T09:14:39.639-07:0014 Points They Don't Cover in Driving School—But Should<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">12 Points They Don't Cover in Driving School—But Should</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I’ve taught three teenagers to drive without once, well hardly ever, ripping off the “OH-MY-GOD handle.” (handle located in interior of vehicle above door. Grasped tightly to avoid chiropractors, or possibly even REAL doctors)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> My daughter is attending driving school next week, mostly for the insurance discount and to learn about driving with beer goggles. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaNXgOHg75mK5mu8vjAyP3EN6AKlRIv76m83ewHqNUCJkCc0pDSLSN-N0hlOZ5-IrxQCmQ912J7q8Z8SvgA-MAxkQ3zzFotkzFwDtgF8lQ8iRL2J8Rdm0lpGY7X4DFkVv_cYxfszoXsy6K/s1600/eg-034.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaNXgOHg75mK5mu8vjAyP3EN6AKlRIv76m83ewHqNUCJkCc0pDSLSN-N0hlOZ5-IrxQCmQ912J7q8Z8SvgA-MAxkQ3zzFotkzFwDtgF8lQ8iRL2J8Rdm0lpGY7X4DFkVv_cYxfszoXsy6K/s320/eg-034.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.arlnow.com/2011/06/02/prom-bound-wakefield-students-learn-about-dui-risks/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Actually additional beer goggle practice would be advantageous so that in a bar in college she can discern Tristan Framingham III, with a bulging wallet in his back pocket, from Joe Darryl with a bulging Skoal can in his back pocket.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvIl4viyoJ8rCFH4C1wbSl3wqa-x6tb317q70mMNG0Pf4r_EkIWFqUzbhbRALiUOmf2HwB-hdWxO0nD0G_HlgjuOZNX87eMTCJak2sV5-B90ftIOWLteFraAG_FrvIeX6UCw3kDjtUhChe/s1600/Chris-Pine-Blessed-Greek-god-looks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvIl4viyoJ8rCFH4C1wbSl3wqa-x6tb317q70mMNG0Pf4r_EkIWFqUzbhbRALiUOmf2HwB-hdWxO0nD0G_HlgjuOZNX87eMTCJak2sV5-B90ftIOWLteFraAG_FrvIeX6UCw3kDjtUhChe/s200/Chris-Pine-Blessed-Greek-god-looks.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://latestnewspics.blogspot.com/2013/06/rich-<br />
and-single-celebrities.html</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOdYeAD0UTIeI5iVI4jwagRuk7kqOl8xytHcnJOHcp0CoulyMMSbBJ6_8nSPP1R-G4S9-4zJYnTrvkpC-iwT-d7sHjHgry6rxBk3x3R96iHdqkPAjuRG0iZiO2LYAmZNx9ma5OXvtw_wwr/s1600/tumblr_lxnqnbOSku1qft1rxo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOdYeAD0UTIeI5iVI4jwagRuk7kqOl8xytHcnJOHcp0CoulyMMSbBJ6_8nSPP1R-G4S9-4zJYnTrvkpC-iwT-d7sHjHgry6rxBk3x3R96iHdqkPAjuRG0iZiO2LYAmZNx9ma5OXvtw_wwr/s320/tumblr_lxnqnbOSku1qft1rxo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/southern-boy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Driving school can teach her how to turn her wheels in a skid, but it should also touch on other essential information, such as:</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Emergency protocol when arriving at an important peer group debriefing meeting and all the spots are taken at Sonic.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> How much farther can one really, really go on two tablespoons of gas.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Perfecting the “guilt wave,” after close calls.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> How to throw blood hounds off the scent of the body in one’s trunk.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> How to get out of a ticket. (Taken in conjunction with Improv/Role Play 101)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> What not to wear to one’s traffic court appearance. Hint: shirt emblazoned with “Cocaine and Caviar.” (You can’t make this stuff up)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMbiUHhaIWmVAibFzFD-t-sZ2jxjI-HmvdSlaRQ_cLItUnNnGFdtj-p1aRe9uw9qICVwvS2o0ogwbyFvlatmljEpCjG4hmk3REzJembpbhGA9Tgrw6hAITiZwDCay9kZfGZMrdVyYkrH4l/s1600/Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMbiUHhaIWmVAibFzFD-t-sZ2jxjI-HmvdSlaRQ_cLItUnNnGFdtj-p1aRe9uw9qICVwvS2o0ogwbyFvlatmljEpCjG4hmk3REzJembpbhGA9Tgrw6hAITiZwDCay9kZfGZMrdVyYkrH4l/s320/Image.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pic by Cathy Cantu at traffic court (for none of ur bidness). He<br />
crossed his arms because he must've thought I was a narc and because I suck at being nonchalant taking pics with an iPhone.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Knee driving 101 (Eating/cell phone usage), 201 (Grooming/shaving/brushing teeth), 301 (changing clothes), and Graduate Program (all of the above while finishing algebra homework due in fifteen minutes)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> How to blend in when lost in a neighborhood where one sees lots of chalk body outlines.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg71dvg0amQt2JfPOlwjAgDSmcf51szGIy98CPVxIm-WA5ZOrdzYVH5rLRtMT_b2cQxtgeUy7dfOWN1NehK2URPluQ5xgrcldf4LnwJ1JRmLhdgk2QCZsdMAJw70zenxNjrilszxYp5g6tE/s1600/crime-scene-crime-tape-body-chalk-outline_102451.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg71dvg0amQt2JfPOlwjAgDSmcf51szGIy98CPVxIm-WA5ZOrdzYVH5rLRtMT_b2cQxtgeUy7dfOWN1NehK2URPluQ5xgrcldf4LnwJ1JRmLhdgk2QCZsdMAJw70zenxNjrilszxYp5g6tE/s1600/crime-scene-crime-tape-body-chalk-outline_102451.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://dallas.culturemap.com/news/life/06-13-13-police-arrest-teens-beating-death-murder-sam-morris-south-dallas/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> Excuses for rolling down the window, or "Purging the Cabin," when one is driving with one’s significant other and feels a Silent But Deadly coming on.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Combining Red Bull and alcohol only makes one do stupid stuff with more enthusiasm.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Legal limits: For driving under the influence of Benadryl and Zyrtec. For the circumference of a spastic dog in driver’s lap.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGefsjUYTFIxddwkSVjX2bs7jkFkDnWFlXaCd3qn59hkIoXbZQKME2sttojxbaAh8t0Ph_3WIGt84IKZ-dPZddWtINbK8TXyBV3EsCMgiFVOmrB38-FhMfAJy2rj7_OCFh2RmVPUFnEeyc/s1600/1016439_573447076053254_1368523876_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGefsjUYTFIxddwkSVjX2bs7jkFkDnWFlXaCd3qn59hkIoXbZQKME2sttojxbaAh8t0Ph_3WIGt84IKZ-dPZddWtINbK8TXyBV3EsCMgiFVOmrB38-FhMfAJy2rj7_OCFh2RmVPUFnEeyc/s320/1016439_573447076053254_1368523876_n.jpg" width="160" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">https://www.facebook.com/DogsAreFamily</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Funeral procession procedures. Where’s your respect? Geez, you people just need to pull over and wait. Except not me of course, but the rest of you.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> And just for ladies:</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> How to approach an ATM without opening the car door and leaning out the window. Tips for remembering to release the parking brake before arriving at your next destination. I know I’m making broad generalizations here. Deal with it.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> And a few classes for parents:</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Method to circumvent the “Con Your Mom” anti-phone tracking app your minors have. Procedure 100% effective roughly 60% of the time.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> When Facetime-ing minors to verify their location, how to distinguish whether they are seated in front of real or faux library books.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqzlKmE5hhyphenhyphenwF_s195totFLvMo9dZzgGoQCo-MUhJexwlCy56LEfq-RthfilESJwRMK1KOWRPIiwcPiQ-klkbnp_hJvmtC6FiRJfDSzY3buLB272Gl86E4pH14egKLe27DMfeJ6MOmVjF/s1600/portrait_of_teenage_girl_reading_book_in_library_015379BL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqzlKmE5hhyphenhyphenwF_s195totFLvMo9dZzgGoQCo-MUhJexwlCy56LEfq-RthfilESJwRMK1KOWRPIiwcPiQ-klkbnp_hJvmtC6FiRJfDSzY3buLB272Gl86E4pH14egKLe27DMfeJ6MOmVjF/s320/portrait_of_teenage_girl_reading_book_in_library_015379BL.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.visualphotos.com/image/2x4165748/portrait_of_teenage_girl_reading_book_in_library<br />
Artist: Lea Roth Agency: Beyond Fotomedia</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> How to translate a minor’s texts from Dos Equis into American.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Most 16- to 18-year olds embrace the obnoxious DAWNeD ideology: (Daring, Arrogant, often Wrong but Never in Doubt) </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> And just a warning from parents to all teens: Most of us in the OAT (Old And Treacherous) set know how to throw off the bloodhounds.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-68354312578625662692013-07-26T15:34:00.002-07:002013-10-03T13:11:09.806-07:00How Mom Can Still Be a Hero<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">How Mom Can Still Be a Hero</span></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m seeing “Man of Steel” this weekend. Maybe some super powers will rub off on me. I try to be a super mom, however my kids think I’m a pain in the rear. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once I donned my red cape and cleverly bribed my six-year-old with a much-desired Slip ‘n Slide so she’d attend the nursery at my Bible Study. Don’t judge me.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/i1ZSLbzeDCA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
http://youtu.be/i1ZSLbzeDCA?t=23s</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">She eagerly anticipated the ecstasy of “Plopping ‘n Sliding,” only to “Plop ‘n Stick” in our flat yard. Thankfully, being well-trained in the Ovarian Theory of Physics, a genius idea dawned on me like the dawn, dawning. I slathered the plastic tarp with baby oil—after trying vegetable oil and dish soap, if you must know.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And I was a Hero.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXp7EzRsu2hosHvzWlIY1VdhI2xC3x-gYbMbOhp7-4VmOEsIixf56SdEzbQZwfdVxMew_-1dDqYJF2PiMPtAS4YZmmbFn9pVUWjZ3cZKaH9A6LlD_VrzavolInFzMPEnTE4WZcY0bQ9W2f/s1600/superhero-mom2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXp7EzRsu2hosHvzWlIY1VdhI2xC3x-gYbMbOhp7-4VmOEsIixf56SdEzbQZwfdVxMew_-1dDqYJF2PiMPtAS4YZmmbFn9pVUWjZ3cZKaH9A6LlD_VrzavolInFzMPEnTE4WZcY0bQ9W2f/s320/superhero-mom2.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.austincnm.com/index.php/2012/10/the-guardians-of-time/#.UfLrkb9M7zI</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">What’s the fine line between spoiling your kids and just trying to make them happy? It depends on your time, money, and the appropriate dosage of meds.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">As the kids get older, I’m still confused about whether my efforts to fix their lives are excessive. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">One daughter desperately wanted to get her drivers license on her 16th birthday. The Oakland driver station (45 minutes away) was least crowded, but it was fully booked on her birthday for the driving portion of the test. So instead, she took it in Whiteville, about 15 minutes PAST Oakland. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">She passed the test, and Barney Fife prematurely snapped her picture as soon as her rear hit the chair. Therefore, her expression looked as though she’d had some bad chalupas. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1EWEKhNwY5pP0hSrnw4DQ09cp0_SZ-fxXQGUqVtsEjPpLIyiGI5GAK3xOKBQUzi1kGqQqhCQODcRSzZav90rT31DURxWmqoPTAeNRku7nNHzboqGxNaqfTep5CLJzIr5erJK-RdQ3SiVp/s1600/9164690_448x252.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1EWEKhNwY5pP0hSrnw4DQ09cp0_SZ-fxXQGUqVtsEjPpLIyiGI5GAK3xOKBQUzi1kGqQqhCQODcRSzZav90rT31DURxWmqoPTAeNRku7nNHzboqGxNaqfTep5CLJzIr5erJK-RdQ3SiVp/s1600/9164690_448x252.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/northern_suburbs&id=9164656</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Keep in mind, a 16-year-old’s most important accessory is her newly-laminated proof of complete freedom and independence. A picture really doesn’t matter to me. But to her . . . well there’s not much that matters MORE.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">She snatched her license from Barney with a flair, and I immediately knew something was wrong. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">She slumped to the car. “Mom, this picture is SO embarrassing!” she wailed. “I can’t show this to ANYBODY!!” she sobbed, wiping tears.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">As we drove home, dismayed churned into unglued.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Do I try to fix this or forget it? Would it be silly and over-indulgent to return for another picture? Would we have to wait an hour again? </span></i></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Would she be ostracized because of her photo I.D., lose her self-confidence and good grades, get rejected by Harvard, and end up living in a trailer with a feral cat? </i>So much to consider.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now we’d driven too far to return to Whiteville. My thoughts spiraled down to the bottom line. How did I want my daughter to remember her 16th birthday? </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">More importantly, when she leaves home, what will she remember about ME? Only that I love me some “Raspberry Beret?” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I knew what I had to do. Entering Oakland, I pulled into the driver station and explained our plight to the TDOT driving gods. A few minutes later she happily displayed a new license and picture for eight bucks. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Was it worth it? You bet it was. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeGjctzgh3OPpbYanh9X3hQ5XTE7dseNdpQfDLfzx3XR2pQPnc6zf7RTCBIGkwc5GyMMhk0vof1B8PK_38S9inDi_qe9C6RzUa4trGq2qVHsHVE3DvoqBM85cbBpFtTKVEcfp-vXsz1sTT/s1600/Fotolia_30823545_Subscription_XL-600x398.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeGjctzgh3OPpbYanh9X3hQ5XTE7dseNdpQfDLfzx3XR2pQPnc6zf7RTCBIGkwc5GyMMhk0vof1B8PK_38S9inDi_qe9C6RzUa4trGq2qVHsHVE3DvoqBM85cbBpFtTKVEcfp-vXsz1sTT/s320/Fotolia_30823545_Subscription_XL-600x398.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=teenage+girl+smiling+with+drivers+license&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=r8Wvk89gVEuafM&tbnid=GdXHREnnx3ZRAM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.timesunion.com%2Fparenting%2Fcategory%2Fteens%2Fpage%2F2%2F&ei=yPfyUemaCYH49gSWvoHoAw&bvm=bv.49784469,d.dmg&psig=AFQjCNEKprHpMX3PhCb5j8fLPGnOpg0Q0w&ust=1374963736979697">blog.timesunion.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Most of the time my teens think I’m an embarrassment, a harsh judge, a police officer, a stalker, and a nagging dinosaur in mom jeans. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 22px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes it’s really nice to still be a hero. </span></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-44610040151113326242013-07-19T15:26:00.001-07:002013-07-21T14:48:15.737-07:00 HOW TO TRAVEL ON AN AIRPLANE WITH KIDS. AND NOT LOSE YOUR SH*T.<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Sansus, sans-serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; text-transform: uppercase;">HOW TO TRAVEL ON AN AIRPLANE WITH KIDS. AND NOT LOSE YOUR SH*T. From Scary Mommy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Sansus, sans-serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; text-transform: uppercase;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Sansus, sans-serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; text-transform: uppercase;"><br /></span>
Great post from Scary Mommy about airline travel with kids. You'll relate, or it'll bring back memories.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.scarymommy.com/travel-on-an-airplane-with-kids/">http://www.scarymommy.com/travel-on-an-airplane-with-kids/</a>The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-17168100664038988222013-07-18T14:18:00.000-07:002016-05-17T09:32:40.169-07:00Estrogen American Technology<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Estrogen American Technology</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Female drivers outnumber males for the first time in the U.S. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Car manufacturers have already addressed the trend with separate, front seat “climate” systems. I'm not sure men like seat warmers though. When Single Guy is driving and asks his girlfriend to slide closer </span></span><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">she says, “No thanks, I’ll stay here with my seat warmer because it ‘gets’ me.”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Here are more female-oriented features car manufacturers should consider:</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">More choices in car colors. Maybe hot pink with a bold block print or a nice Vera Bradley pattern? </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPDX720-LBZ6xzc_anqsB4nR8KohfqjjEBS294doaCCaU4cLc55bpTO7A8rRmh9tmeeqbpgelmjCJbmei9GUWo3SapBRq8dkWOCLwuQfzMXKpIl0HqY1q1Bs_ewwz4xNx0sc7q5ekGNOF7/s1600/tumblr_m3vlhg53Dg1r50x3wo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPDX720-LBZ6xzc_anqsB4nR8KohfqjjEBS294doaCCaU4cLc55bpTO7A8rRmh9tmeeqbpgelmjCJbmei9GUWo3SapBRq8dkWOCLwuQfzMXKpIl0HqY1q1Bs_ewwz4xNx0sc7q5ekGNOF7/s320/tumblr_m3vlhg53Dg1r50x3wo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/bling%20bling</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">For the Artsy set, car changes color when it rains.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Selected phrases screamed when horn is blown such as, “Do NOT start with me, asinine!” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A Navigation system that will never sound like a chick younger than me on a bar stool in Mexico, exhaling a cig as she croons “Turn North on Venturaaaaa....” </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpPPY3Bz3r12v92Jbu_dNXZl5a0m0kUExltGPHS9Tuz00XyOfILh9sy5RmeGfkh9KCwO4zWWXfnnzaQOKapuE4A5kUdK1OZ2l_-3lLSqeU1W2rrK9f9BsuB9bxiXgPw2bAYN4RdKDtkyR3/s1600/PINUP199.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpPPY3Bz3r12v92Jbu_dNXZl5a0m0kUExltGPHS9Tuz00XyOfILh9sy5RmeGfkh9KCwO4zWWXfnnzaQOKapuE4A5kUdK1OZ2l_-3lLSqeU1W2rrK9f9BsuB9bxiXgPw2bAYN4RdKDtkyR3/s320/PINUP199.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Pinup-Girl-Brunette-Sombrero-smoking-Cigarette-/200738138211</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Instead, utilize a David Beckham voice which only uses “right” and “left” driving instructions and calls me “love.” He’d also talk me off the ledge when my seat belt sensor determines that my blood pressure is dangerously high.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A gas gauge that tells you not just when you should get gas, but when you really, really need gas, you dipstick. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">You can tell David Beckham exactly what the mechanic said is wrong with your car and it determines if he’s a condescending scumbag liar.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A wine cooler in the center console that works even when car is off. I don’t want to leave my car running at gymnastics just because I want cold chardonnay. What kind of ozone-eating jerkwad do you think I am?</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ten sets of keys and clickers.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">For the Hot Flash set—a retractable hose that one can direct down one’s shirt.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sensor that will give little feet a shock if rested on the dashboard.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqvoObLthVLtU7kckVZyHIYfGkVyJptpS3L0v8OblPAqSuO1nosUVgS84FYh3eoVhOWH99GbEkYuCpa_0IKRckkF66yJ5oB6szH0FtM_PqcqVuhxE1oUthzjgpcuJ1_k1ba8R2942QLDjM/s1600/6020362473_e0dfe585d6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqvoObLthVLtU7kckVZyHIYfGkVyJptpS3L0v8OblPAqSuO1nosUVgS84FYh3eoVhOWH99GbEkYuCpa_0IKRckkF66yJ5oB6szH0FtM_PqcqVuhxE1oUthzjgpcuJ1_k1ba8R2942QLDjM/s320/6020362473_e0dfe585d6.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=kids+feet+on+dashboard&source=images&cd=&docid=hXXuI2SxY11tuM&tbnid=UemLXH2MoQcHPM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.queen-of-the-jungle.com%2Fcategory%2Flife-happens%2F&ei=hlnoUdecOYPc9QTSzIB4&bvm=bv.49478099,d.eWU&psig=AFQjCNESEnJtuUbD_a22NQlnT8BnUQHguQ&ust=1374268037565617">www.queen-of-the-jungle.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Window that can be raised to block juice boxes thrown from back seat. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Back doors won’t open unless all the crap is off the floor.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">A “Vroomba,” that wanders all over one’s car vacuuming. It realizes the difference between Cheerios and Legos, storing the latter in a special compartment.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">An alert when I come within a hundred yards of that judgey, tee-totaling PTA mom or someone selling wrapping paper.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">If this journalism thing doesn’t work out, I’ll be in Detroit reviving the nation’s car industry and accepting the Nobel Prize on behalf of Estrogen Americans everywhere. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2xMM3b89kodkDsec6WAeuBwEaPo9KL5i3UKDkZanl9WDXF79upkIUjYAtTFdnV_12QtLwOml4-cANf4G59k8GNrEj-Jbkvrqm3Ui9vpVpsw2S4hmiXOwkVcrNf2XwB7CqGs1EWwJHSR6/s1600/6a00d8341c565553ef01901e4a7ca9970b-800wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2xMM3b89kodkDsec6WAeuBwEaPo9KL5i3UKDkZanl9WDXF79upkIUjYAtTFdnV_12QtLwOml4-cANf4G59k8GNrEj-Jbkvrqm3Ui9vpVpsw2S4hmiXOwkVcrNf2XwB7CqGs1EWwJHSR6/s320/6a00d8341c565553ef01901e4a7ca9970b-800wi.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://katienicholl.mailonsunday.co.uk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-535434156108236444.post-55255041345757176182013-07-11T17:23:00.000-07:002013-07-23T08:08:24.320-07:00Redneck Riviera With Kids: It Ain’t All Peace, Love, and Putt-putt<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Redneck Riviera With Kids: It Ain’t All Peace, Love, and Putt-putt</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">For ten years my husband and I <strike>endured</strike> enjoyed, the sugary sands of the Redneck Riviera with a kid aged five or younger. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Each summer I imagined peace, love, and Putt-putt. I wore a badge of twisted optimism like some sort of hazy, Kodak-commercial, rose-colored glasses. I always forgot the misery and bloodshed of the previous year.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid-t8pjrwq2o8n7SYmq2MvDlm6RRoVH-TnkAIYiLXNTjKcDpcj1CADT-L6aUqxuogJZs51m1B8fMPM09V38a-K8gnFhaMRM47mJHXITVT26ReuGflo2DQBeIqev1f1stFY9dfbhbnByNRV/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid-t8pjrwq2o8n7SYmq2MvDlm6RRoVH-TnkAIYiLXNTjKcDpcj1CADT-L6aUqxuogJZs51m1B8fMPM09V38a-K8gnFhaMRM47mJHXITVT26ReuGflo2DQBeIqev1f1stFY9dfbhbnByNRV/s400/images.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.carolineghetes.com/blog/2012/01/17/best-of-2011-personal/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">One kid loved the water. One hated it. And one was Zombie Baby, walking around crying with her arms straight out and chubby fingers spread because the sand was yucky. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">We hauled a baby walker and a plastic pool down to the beach in addition to the usual mountain of essentials. We were hard-core parents, and we were determined to freakin’ have fun.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjspK6NUr4hGFCiV84N6IkncOOE7SxBdCLj9bqsCFlv_DqP66mhf8pmO2zeSriwen0f2PPgdPaCSBWrvv9ur-owpshXRbeSA-Y3zLS0otJxVYDW8esQFxPIBbhQC82BMp2QgvYvctqAmhz2/s1600/191tg5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjspK6NUr4hGFCiV84N6IkncOOE7SxBdCLj9bqsCFlv_DqP66mhf8pmO2zeSriwen0f2PPgdPaCSBWrvv9ur-owpshXRbeSA-Y3zLS0otJxVYDW8esQFxPIBbhQC82BMp2QgvYvctqAmhz2/s1600/191tg5.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/75236724.aspx</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once my husband had to fly out on business during the last few days of our vacation and suggested I stay a little longer with the kids. I wasn’t on Prozac . . . yet, but was obviously hallucinating when I agreed. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Being alone with the kids on the beach was stressful because of all the whining and crying, and sometimes even the kids whined and cried. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">We had just settled under the umbrella when my five-year-old son wanted to retrieve a toy from the condo. I refused to go get it because I’d have to drag the other two kids also. He began wailing and grabbed my phone to call Child Protective Services. Naturally, I tossed him enough sugar to induce a coma, dodging that bullet.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKY5gS7orPj72Vz_PrBKVMlN8NZlZ-m4Zz5DkkziTIINpvOOXJlwpY4fn03cjLIsjKHyHwhmH4RwHiM67_eWVj3gS0LCxv83tfZFWaw5XVCbPjzZejNmLs8AGc0TLsNftKsseaE0792Zar/s1600/2dc4e2a6-4796-4b70-8356-d542205b31ff_children-parents-summer-school-holidays-temper-tantrum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKY5gS7orPj72Vz_PrBKVMlN8NZlZ-m4Zz5DkkziTIINpvOOXJlwpY4fn03cjLIsjKHyHwhmH4RwHiM67_eWVj3gS0LCxv83tfZFWaw5XVCbPjzZejNmLs8AGc0TLsNftKsseaE0792Zar/s320/2dc4e2a6-4796-4b70-8356-d542205b31ff_children-parents-summer-school-holidays-temper-tantrum.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=kids+crying+on+beach&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=yazXY3Bmjd7idM&tbnid=<br />
thuBvD_bR91OoM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My three-year-old daughter could pull a dog bed full of a 20-lb. sleeping dog across the house and out the door because Max “need some fwesh aiwr,” but couldn’t carry a beach pail. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">On the last day my arms were loaded with gear, and when I asked her to carry the pail, she plopped down in the sand sobbing. I bent over to pick her up and my beach bag swung off my shoulder and smacked her in the head. With the weight of the bag hanging in front of me, I fell over her, head-first in the sand. She was trapped face-up under a mesh beach chair and calmly asked my son to make another call to CPS.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">My 18-month-old observed, shaking her head, and jotted something in a notepad.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqh-ENlfXWjxjemifg_aMXtCCA-1_4iLrkAPKokISHPCeSGch4ilxT4lHQFOtYfXMWY8rjM3TW6kkH5N3uUA5k9l75I68mZ_zNxrw9hki-rhQrhFA3veYv2kasECbugeNHpbTFKT8gu1XV/s1600/toddlers-drawing-girl-writing-play.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqh-ENlfXWjxjemifg_aMXtCCA-1_4iLrkAPKokISHPCeSGch4ilxT4lHQFOtYfXMWY8rjM3TW6kkH5N3uUA5k9l75I68mZ_zNxrw9hki-rhQrhFA3veYv2kasECbugeNHpbTFKT8gu1XV/s320/toddlers-drawing-girl-writing-play.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/family/144222/Six-things-you-never-knew-about-your-toddler</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">The morning we flew home, I frantically gathered toys, put back the pans my daughter slung out of the cabinets, packed snacks and drinks, put the pans back again, and retrieved the cordless phone from the trash can. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">We raced an hour to the airport and while boarding, the kids loudly asked me 500 times whether my “throat huhwt” and was I going to drink those little bottles of “cough seh-wip” on the plane like I did last time. Don’t judge me. It was “Pre-WWW.” (Pre-World Wide Web) YOU try to keep an 18-month old occupied on a 1 1/2-hour flight armed only with books, stickers, and a straw.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbhLUM0oANCc69eBTqxg2Tudm6RNb3o99-u8reDmNySElFkvmmM0huJXXy76-Kzbc933EBhdVjnKMlCWulfEbImNV_2UGeSLLDMd3_InWWEFrinuWGJWfAwPG0hvJXQRZe3XDxou4CZWiK/s1600/tumblr_mpl2c9mwM51rjwpzyo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbhLUM0oANCc69eBTqxg2Tudm6RNb3o99-u8reDmNySElFkvmmM0huJXXy76-Kzbc933EBhdVjnKMlCWulfEbImNV_2UGeSLLDMd3_InWWEFrinuWGJWfAwPG0hvJXQRZe3XDxou4CZWiK/s320/tumblr_mpl2c9mwM51rjwpzyo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/mini%20bottles</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">When my husband returned home, I immediately threw him the reigns, warning him that I felt sick. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro'; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB-8pRMWawY2cXPB16hr4oNUlduroipdYmz4tkAtqoz7rbLXNnFE_R8esKXx0ayG_EGy3qpGb79oUFtO-LY4t-G6lFvH0phzw2lco5ZWTnYJZd-88Zs4wQBjLxMw1UgWoZsrNtRID8VSD3/s1600/baby-and-dad1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB-8pRMWawY2cXPB16hr4oNUlduroipdYmz4tkAtqoz7rbLXNnFE_R8esKXx0ayG_EGy3qpGb79oUFtO-LY4t-G6lFvH0phzw2lco5ZWTnYJZd-88Zs4wQBjLxMw1UgWoZsrNtRID8VSD3/s320/baby-and-dad1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://blog.consumerbell.com/2011/06/02/daddy-and-soon-to-be-survival-kit-tell-us-your-funny-daddy-story-2/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">“In fact,” I said fighting some phlegm, “I might be contagious. I should probably lock myself in the bedroom . . . and I could really use some “cough seh-wip.”</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Tekton Pro';">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju9Ta7Fug1yNFxdRjiDxsg-Vp8cOvszUr5EZCSZSc5VteX87WO56bhlaVK8QylyZ81SQZtVNHIOsK-rpxma_9GDqfdNhEtBXH4dTXUGzxrKh8OhoKaXlD7Ax15QbghnPySvFQNuppGftk8/s1600/12117515-girl-sick-with-the-flu-coughs-a-mug-of-tea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju9Ta7Fug1yNFxdRjiDxsg-Vp8cOvszUr5EZCSZSc5VteX87WO56bhlaVK8QylyZ81SQZtVNHIOsK-rpxma_9GDqfdNhEtBXH4dTXUGzxrKh8OhoKaXlD7Ax15QbghnPySvFQNuppGftk8/s200/12117515-girl-sick-with-the-flu-coughs-a-mug-of-tea.jpg" width="193" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.123rf.com/photo_12117515_girl-sick-with-the-flu-coughs-a-mug-of-tea.html</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
The Frazzled Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06602798869247406711noreply@blogger.com0