If You're Thinking of Joining a Gym in the New Year....

If You’re Thinking of Joining a Gym in the New Year.....

Because the holiday rush and responsibilities have left my brain like mush, I have to resort to repeating funny things I’ve heard or read.  

In the spirit of New Year’s Resolutions, I am passing along a sort of top 10 list (really 11) of  “Rules of Conquering the Gym,” gleaned from a recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Jason Gay.  His article was originally titled, “The 27 Rules of Conquering the Gym,” but I am posting the best ones here.  B-T-Dubs:  # 8 is mine.....

        1.  A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about

             yourself.  If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better 

             yourself, it would be a bar.

        2.  Give yourself a goal.  Maybe you want to lose 10 lbs.  Maybe you

             want to quarterback the New York Jets into the play-offs.  But

             be warned:  Losing 10 lbs. is hard.

        3.  No one is the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading

             “The New Yorker” and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle.  No

             one.

        4.  “Great job!” is trainer-speak for “It’s not polite for me to laugh at

              you.”

        5.  You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute

              Abs.  There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs

              —but that’s super tough!

        6.  If a gym class is going to be effective, it’s hard.  If you’re relaxed

              and enjoying yourself, you’re at brunch.

        7.  Fancy gyms can be seductive; but once you get past the modern

              couches and fresh flowers and the water with lemon slices,

              you’re basically paying for a boutique hotel with B.O.

        8.  (This is mine):   My husband says there are old dudes who come

              to the gym, undress in the locker room, and sit on the couch and

              watch tv naked.  Regular guys, I would avoid sitting on the locker-

              room couches and touching the crotch-level sink counters where

              said old dudes lean into the mirror to trim their nose hairs. 

        9.  If you’re at the point where you’ve bought biking shoes for the

              spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike.

              It’s way more fun and it doesn’t make you listen to C+C Music

              Factory.

       10.  Fact:  Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0

              calories.

        11.  There is no secret.  Exercise and lay off the fries.  The end.