Showing posts with label sports mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sports mom. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Dad Coaches: "Have Fun. Winning Is Fun!"


Dad Coaches:   “We’re Gonna Have Fun.  Winning Is Fun”

My daughters won their school’s State Championship in soccer last Saturday.  My senior daughter said goodbye to an incredible coach she’s had for four years. 

School coaches do a great job teaching the nuances of their sport to kids who already know the basics.  But who taught them the basics?  Dads (and moms) who sacrificed their patience and sanity coaching church and community leagues since their kids were spastic kindergartners.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&docid=N_zr4ajNfT4I7M&tbnid=fJLcyPvMCURT0M:
&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nhnotebo


A good Dad-coach knows his players in ways a school coach can’t.  He’ll call Katie before a game to reassure her she can handle that tall #23 under the basket.  He knows Anna’s gonna cry if he yells.  And he knows Alexa likes chocolate milk with her pancakes after his daughter’s sleepover. 

A good Dad-coach will angrily throw his clipboard down.  And at least once each season, he’ll be ejected from the ball park and watch the game from his car for uttering “another word” when the umpire orders him not to.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=1b3FDIWPhIYQuM&tbnid=PpR78W0ae
FZRKM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.

He knows how to smile nicely while questioning a ref’s masculinity.  

blog.seattlepi.com

He knows how to beat the Star Wars pin ball machine at Garibaldi’s after games.

He knows trash talk is just as crucial as a good helmet.

And the best team isn’t always the one that looks best on paper.  

A good Dad-coach is also über-competitive.  In second grade, my daughter played on a basketball team coached by her friend Grace’s dad.

In the championship game, they were short a player because of a stupid family wedding or something, and Grace, the best player on the team, was injured.  Naturally, Coach John sent his daughter onto the court as if she was simply sporting a bandaid on her toe instead of a giant orthopedic boot. 

thelovesofjenn.com

The ref, a teenage boy with video game needs, wasn’t going to get paid for a forfeit, and boots weren’t prohibited in the manual he didn’t read. So game on.

Soon Grace flew through the air, diving for a loose ball.  My daughter Catherine, a 3 1/2 ft. Dick Butkus, but twice as mean, joined the fray and Grace’s boot cut her forehead.

ctpost.com

The ref, at the sight of blood, was thrown into a Call of Duty virtual war zone haze so Coach John stopped the game.  I let John handle it because I’d get my Mom Card taken away if I approached my child on a court/field unless her eyeball was falling out.    

After the game, I called John’s wife who wasn’t there.  “We won!  And Grace scored 15 points!! 

“What?”  Silence.

“Oops.  Well, I really can’t talk right now because I’m taking Catherine to get, um . . . stitches . . . her head ran into Grace’s boot, um . . . we have a bad connection,” I said.

“Are you telling me John let Grace play?  What the heck was he THINKING?” she asked. 

“I don’t know, but Catherine’s beaming.  She said Coach John taught them something today—’Don’t come in second.  That’s just being the first loser.’”


Poor John, our brave, competitive Dad-coach won on the court that day, but I’m sure he paid the price at home that night.  Licking his wounds, he probably just left the house for awhile and worked on his pinball game at Garibaldi’s. 


Thursday, July 18, 2013

Estrogen American Technology



Estrogen American Technology


Female drivers outnumber males for the first time in the U.S.  

Car manufacturers have already addressed the trend with separate, front seat “climate” systems.  I'm not sure men like seat warmers though.  When Single Guy is driving and asks his girlfriend to slide closer she says, “No thanks, I’ll stay here with my seat warmer because it ‘gets’ me.”

Here are more female-oriented features car manufacturers should consider:

More choices in car colors.  Maybe hot pink with a bold block print or a nice Vera Bradley pattern?  

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/bling%20bling


For the Artsy set, car changes color when it rains.

Selected phrases screamed when horn is blown such as, “Do NOT start with me, asinine!”  

A Navigation system that will never sound like a chick younger than me on a bar stool in Mexico, exhaling a cig as she croons “Turn North on Venturaaaaa....”  
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Pinup-Girl-Brunette-Sombrero-smoking-Cigarette-/200738138211

Instead, utilize a David Beckham voice which only uses “right” and “left” driving instructions and calls me “love.”  He’d also talk me off the ledge when my seat belt sensor determines that my blood pressure is dangerously high.

A gas gauge that tells you not just when you should get gas, but when you really, really need gas, you dipstick. 

You can tell David Beckham exactly what the mechanic said is wrong with your car and it determines if he’s a condescending scumbag liar.

A wine cooler in the center console that works even when car is off.  I don’t want to leave my car running at gymnastics just because I want cold chardonnay.  What kind of ozone-eating jerkwad do you think I am?

Ten sets of keys and clickers.

For the Hot Flash set—a retractable hose that one can direct down one’s shirt.

Sensor that will give little feet a shock if rested on the dashboard.

www.queen-of-the-jungle.com

Window that can be raised to block juice boxes thrown from back seat. 

Back doors won’t open unless all the crap is off the floor.

A “Vroomba,” that wanders all over one’s car vacuuming.  It realizes the difference between Cheerios and Legos, storing the latter in a special compartment.

An alert when I come within a hundred yards of that judgey, tee-totaling PTA mom or someone selling wrapping paper.

If this journalism thing doesn’t work out, I’ll be in Detroit reviving the nation’s car industry and accepting the Nobel Prize on behalf of Estrogen Americans everywhere. 

http://katienicholl.mailonsunday.co.uk