I received an email similar to this five years ago and filed it away. I recently found it and laughed out loud. I changed a lot in order to be applicable in 2011, but I kept some things intact. You just can't mess with perfection.
I hope no one will be offended by the tongue-in-cheek stereotypes, but we sho
uld all be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes. If you don't live in Memphis, it doesn't make much sense. However, I'm sure you can accurately replace your suburbs with those mentioned because most Americans have more in common than we realize.
Six or seven more Barbies are being released soon in the Memphis market, including Orange Mound Barbie and Midtown Barbie. Stay tuned!
Eads Barbie:
This princess Barbie is sold only at Saks. Comes with a multi-million dollar house in gated community and another in Rosemary Beach - with wine cellars. Condo in Beaver Creek, CO and fur sold in conjunction with stock-broker Ken. Also available is Randy, the Home Decorator, who is impeccably dressed, creative and loves to shop. Sold with or without yummy pool boy. Your choice of Mississippi State or Ole Miss bumper sticker on back of Hummer. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
Germantown Barbie:
This I-wish-I-lived-in-Eads Barbie comes with a 2-seater Mercedes and an optional new Lexus SUV to cart super-busy Babs, super-competitive Kenny Jr., and Baby Bo to cheerleading, football practice, and My Baby Can Read class. Comes with an inconspicuous "love" tattoo on her ankle from a spring break trip to Destin in the 80's and a case of Chardonnay. Optional home-gym so that she doesn’t have to go to the real gym with tight clothes that show her muffin top. Sold with a semi-custom house with no furniture because Babs and Kenny Jr. attend a $15,000/year private school.
Houston Levee Barbie:
This modern Barbie comes with an assortment of the trendiest clothes from the clothing boutique she owns. She comes with a gym membership and bathroom scale, a country club membership, her own Starbucks cup and a wine cooler of expensive Chardonnay. Also available with this kit are Hutchison Heather and MUS Maddox, accessorized with LAX sticks. Pregnant version is sold in conjunction with handgun and bottle of Prozac. Augmented version sold only in conjunction with Workaholic Ken.
Bartlett Barbie:
The hard-working, big hair Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan with 120,000 miles. Comes with a Sam's membership card and a frequent diner card at the Western Sizzlin'. This ingenius model sells Avon and pockets the profit before Ken sees it. Available with or without box wine, bright blue eye shadow and home-perm kit . This frugal Barbie comes with a one-story brick house with a half-built deck in the back while Electrician Ken comes with a fully-stocked tool box and a tricked-out truck.
