FUNNY AND RELEVANT

FUNNY AND RELEVANT

This is a post that I’m writing for “The Gypsy Mama’s” 5-minute Friday.  Her blog is  http://thegypsymama.com/    It is completely awesome, and you should visit.

The assignment is for everyone to write for 5 minutes on anything.  Just write what you feel with no regard for perfection.  

I think I’ll try it.....  Today it’s about Relevance.  Not too funny - but only  had 5 minutes.

GO....

Right off the top of my head I can think of 4 categories of relevance in my life.  They are as follows:

Things that are Relevant to me and a part of my life: (not in any particular order)

My kids and their activities

Iced tea (I’m Southern)

Hair color

OMG!  I forgot - my iphone and the alarm I need to remind me to do everyday activities

Things that are Relevant to me which I WISH were not part of my life:

Grocery store and cooking!!!!

Forgetting EVERYTHING

Exercising

Listening to “Mom, you are SO weird!”

My birthday

Bunions

My Iphone and the alarm

Things that are Relevant to me which are NOT part of my daily life and I wish they were:

Diamonds

Understanding the stock market

Chocolate and bananas foster

Actually getting responses when I talk to my kids- Don’t get me started.

Watching a rated-R movie

Time with friends on the beach - I'll even take the beach at the Redneck

       Riviera. - Florida panhandle, baby.

A hobby

Things that are NOT Relevant to me at all and I do not even know what they are and don’t want to:

The air ride suspension kit on my rear axle that causes the compressor to run too long - (What the heck?)

Declining a penalty in football

Anything to do with NASCAR

The vacuum cleaner

STOP

Music video for busy moms - Touching

Here's a music video sent to me by a friend.  It's called "Uncluttered" by Gwen Smith.  Beautiful and touching.  Tell me what you think!!

Uncluttered by Gwen Smith - Official Music Video

audio31 10 videos 

10,417 

   

Uploaded by audio31 on Mar 17, 2011

CD is available on iTunes or at www.GwenSmith.net
www.Facebook.com/GwenSmithMusic
Written by Dave Clark and Gwen Smith

Gwen is a co-founder of Girlfriends in God. Be sure to check out their website at www.GirlfriendsInGod.com

Music video produced by Tech Inc. Productions

Stop with the Jeans and Stilettos

Stop It With the Rhinestone Jeans and Stilettos!  

This is a post that I’m writing for “The Gypsy Mama’s” 5-minute Friday.  Her blog is  http://thegypsymama.com/    It is completely awesome, and you should visit.

The assignment is for everyone to write for 5 minutes on anything.  Just write what you feel with no regard for perfection.  

I think I’ll try it.....

START

Stop it with the Stilettos and High Heels!

I was at the salon the other day getting my gray roots colored.  It MUST  be done.  That, and getting my acrylic nails done.  Those are really the only two things I do for myself on a regular basis because even on the other side of 45, I still have a semblance of self-respect.  

So I’m in there with all this gook on my hair and critiquing looking at all the ladies who come in.  Every last one of them are close to my age and they are sporting dressy jeans and stilettos.  Not even platform shoes which are popular now.  Stilettos.  

Now, I’m the type of woman who really doesn’t care what I look like, however I will absolutely NEVER sit on the bottom bleacher of my daughter’s basketball games because the fluorescent lights reflect off my gray roots creating an iridescent glow around me which makes me look fatter.  

I look down at my shoes, and my self-image goes down the crapper.  I’m wearing my Easy Rider, flat, mom shoes that I’ve worn every day, fall and winter, for the last 3 years with knee socks (or trouser socks for those who have an inflated image of themselves), and I have a rubber thing between my toes that help reduce my chronic, burning bunion pain.  

Where are these women going that they choose to wear rhinestone-studded jeans and stilettos on a Tuesday during the day?  Are they professionals—at gold-digging for sugar-daddies?  Are they competing with Leigh Ann Touhy (the inspiration for The Blind Side) for a spot at her lunch table at the Ritz Carlton?    I can’t imagine ONE reason they would walk around like that.  Well, they’ll eventually pay for it.  

Years from now they’ll be sitting in the next chair getting their gray roots done, complaining about their poor feet.  By that time I’ll be wearing fuzzy moccasins and gellin’ with Dr. Scholl’s pads.  They’ll ask me, the lady who looks like she’s been ridden hard and put up wet, (southern phrase) “What can I do about my aching feet?”

“I don’t know, sister.  How ‘bout you take out that smart phone of yours and Google ‘Easy Rider’.” 

STOP

And You Wonder Why I'm Frazzled

And You Wonder Why I’m Frazzled

OK. I’m sitting at my kitchen counter at my computer, where my kids say I always am.  I’m looking up, grasping for just the right word to put in my Best Seller.  And I see this!  

It is a pen nestled into the glass bulb of my kitchen light fixture.  I wonder who the #%** did that!!!   I pulled it out and of course the pen is burned.  I was so shocked at the GENIUS of whoever did it that I had to share it.  

So I put the pen back in there and ran for my camera.  

By the time I came back, the thing was smoking (look closely).  I’m sorta  like those people on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” where a bear has Darryl trapped up a tree and the reason the video is on TV is on account of his friend, Bubba, running to get the video camera instead of helping him.  That’s a TRUE friend.  He figures he’ll give Daryll half the money he wins on the show, heck.  That’ll buy a buttload of Skoal.

It's kind’a like this guy who runs to get the camera when his forest ranger colleague is fixin’ to be bear meat.

So I get the camera when my house is getting ready to catch fire.  I mean, I had a fire extinguisher right there that I bought after candles, glued into my daughter's styrofoam advent wreath, ignited the whole thing and burned a big black hole on our kitchen table.  I wonder if I can sue the Sunday school teacher who had THAT bright idea for damages and mental anguish.

So anyhoo, I can only imagine what would’ve happened if I’d have left the house with the light on.  Or when only my kids were home.  I need a case of Chardonnay and an IV.