Saturday, February 12, 2011

Male Vs. Female Approach to ATM Drive-throughs

Please forgive me for stealing this from an old email I received.   It was so good I saved it, AND I could actually find it.  Enjoy!
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 
“Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through ATM machines with updated procedures.  After months of careful research , MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.  Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender when using this drive-through facility.”
  1. Drive up to the cash machine
  2. Put down your car window
  3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
  4. Push the “accept” button when you accept to succumb to the highway  robbery bank will charge as your “convenience fee” because they made stupid loans.  (I added that part)
  5. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
  6. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
  7. Drive off
  1. Drive up to cash machine
  2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine
  3. Set parking brake, put window down
  4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card
  5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
  6. Attempt to insert card into machine
  7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car
  8. Insert card
  9. Re-insert card the right way
  10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.  Dig through handbag for reading glasses to read PIN number.  Drop glasses between seat and console.  Wing it.
  11. Enter PIN
  12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
  13. Push the “accept” button (see #4 in Male procedure above)
  14. Enter amount of cash required
  15. Check make-up in rear view mirror
  16. Retrieve cash and receipt
  17. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
  18. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook
  19. Re-check make-up
  20. Drive forward 2 feet
  21. Reverse back to cash machine
  22. Retrieve card
  23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided
  24. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
  25. Restart stalled engine and pull off
  26. Redial person on cell phone
  27. Drive for 2 - 3 miles
  28. Release Parking Brake.


  1. Love this! I quit using my parking brake because I kept forgetting to release it.

  2. Isn't that the truth! I'm beginning to think I'm losing brain cells. I can't multitask very well anymore either. It's pretty sad when I have to set the alarm on my phone to remind me to pick up my kids from practice!