Twenty Ways Cats Are Like Toddlers

Twenty Ways Cats Are Like Toddlers

1.  Watch you go to the bathroom

2.  Philosophy:  what’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, that which

      you may want in the future is mine.

3.  You do not own them.

4.  Must have dirty paws all over the keyboard as you type        

      - or better yet, lay down on it.  Newspapers too.

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5.  Choose not to come when called.  

6.  If you want them to go anywhere, you must pick them up and

      carry them. 

7.  Act like dead weight when #6 occurs.  

8.  Climb up on kitchen counters and eat other people's food.

9.  Look incredibly cute when asleep.  

10.  Act surly and uncooperative when taking pictures of them.  

11.  Have nine lives.   

12.  Act totally unconcerned when caught creating a mess.

13.  Lap up water from the door of an open dishwasher

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14.  Like big cardboard boxes.  

15.  Have a fascination with toilet water. 

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16.  Don’t like wearing clothes.

17.  Like to ingest small items—preferably living, but may be recently

        dead.  

18.  Obsessed with Chuck E. Cheese commercials

19.  Go bat-crazy when vacuum cleaner is turned on.

20.  Like to eat goldfish. 

Up, Up, and Away in a Manger

I'm reposting a short poem inspired by a picture of my son, at about 10 months old, sitting on Santa's lap.  He looked up at Santa as if he was wondering, "Who the heck are you?"  Then I started thinking about how very young children are probably confused about the whole Santa and Jesus thing.  Here's my interpretation of their confusion....

UP, UP, AND AWAY IN A MANGER

Mommy brought me in with her

To say hello to you.

But I’m not sure about this , Sir,

“Just what is it you do?”

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Mommy said you were born on Christmas day

And you fly with reindeer too,

Bringing gift to girls and boys

Like the Wisemen brought to you.

Daddy said to ask you for things I want

And not be naughty, but nice,

And remember to thank you for all you brought

When I pray and close my eyes.

Sir, I’m not sure what it is you do,

But Mommy always talks to you.

Mom and Dad believe in you 

And they said that I should too.

So, Sir, put in your sleigh some trucks and trains

When from Bethlehem you come.

Dad knows you can do ANYTHING —

‘Cause you brought ME to him and mom.

What Mothers Say

What Mothers Say

Go.

Go on, walk to Daddy.

Please go to sleep, angel.

Go get me another diaper.

Go play on the slide.

Do you need to go potty? 

Go knock on the door and say “Trick or Treat!” 

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Go put away your toys.

Go watch Barney.

Please go play!  Mommy’s tired!

Go on in the classroom.

Go say hi to her.

Go sit on Santa’s lap.

Don’t go out too far.

Go do your homework.

Go ask dad.

Are you going on a field trip?  Sure, I’ll drive.

Go get your soccer bag.  No, I don’t know where it is.

Take it with you when you go. 

Why should I go to school to bring it to you?  I reminded you ten times.

Go get one out of Lost & Found.  I’m not buying another.

You need to go up a size. 

Go do your chores.

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Do you want to go to the movies?  No, I don’t have to stay.

When are you going to team camp?  No, I know you don’t want me to drive.

No, you can’t go with Hannah on Spring Break.

Go take off your outfit.  You’re not wearing that.

And that skirt doesn’t go in the floor.

Will you go to the grocery for me?  Take my car.

You’re not going to the party!

All those clothes on the floor don’t go in the dirty clothes hamper.

Go get your money.  You can pay for it.

Buying Chanel requires that you go get a job.

Who are you going with to the prom?

Let’s go shopping for a dress.

You’re not going anywhere until you pick up these clothes.

Are you going out again?  I just gave you money yesterday.

Do you know where you want to go to college?  

Why don’t you stay in tonight?

Stay under the speed limit.

Your hands stay on the wheel, sister!

Stay strong.

Stay off the phone!

Why do you stay in your room all the time?

Will you stay near the dressing room and give me your advice? 

Stay with your sister.

Stay away from him.

Stay focused.

If your grades don’t stay up, the phone is mine!

Why do you have to stay for detention again?

Yes, you have to stay for the study session. 

You’re staying in tonight!

Stay true to yourself.

Are you staying at Sarah’s?

Stay in touch.  And you better answer your phone.

Don’t stay up all night.

Please stay awake.  It’s a long drive.  Do you need money?

Stay aware of your surroundings.

Is he going to stay for dinner?

Don’t stay if they’re drinking.

Stay calm.  I’m coming.

Stay on top of your college applications.

Stay positive.

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Do you want to visit and stay in the dorm?

Stay close to God.

Are you staying in the sorority house?

Stay and watch The Notebook with me one last time. 

You’ll always stay my little girl.

Stay sweet, honey.

Is it time to go already?

Please. Stay.